Your Glare is Killing Me
by ERAvulgaris
Summary: *UPDATED* - Isabella Swan is heartbroken teenager with no confidence when she arrives at Forks, facing an identity crisis and believing she is incapable of being loved. How will she be able to trust a vampire with just as much self-doubt? R/R
1. This Scene Is Dead

**The Usual Disclaimer: **As much as I wish, all the characters mentioned, except for the one I created, belong to Stephenie Meyer!

Hi Guys; This is my first fiction here so be gentle please (:  
Reviews are most appreciated!

**Full Summary:** Bella isn't what you could call a normal teenager. She once had it all: popularity, self-acceptance, & love. When she loses one, she loses it all. Heartbroken, confused, and in pain, she moves to the place she hates to get away from it all. Slowly adjusting to a new life, the memories and the backlashes come back to her. Will a vampire with as much self-loathing as her be the way out of the pain? Will she ever understand her place in the world? Or will it take a confrontation with both her future and her past to bring her back from her jaded state? Find out.

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**Chapter 1 – This Scene Is Dead**

(BPOV)

Turquoise. It was definitely a color I was going to miss in Phoenix. It was the color the cloudless skies as Renee drove us towards the airport. It was the color of my room and the color of the pillow I hugged to sleep. Most importantly it was the color of his eyes. _No!_ I thought to myself. _I am not going to think about __**that**__ right now. _Today was the day I was leaving for Forks, a.k.a. : the bane of my existence. Forks was everything Phoenix wasn't. It was so small no one could have a moment of privacy, not to mention it is ALWAYS raining. I was sure sunshine was a myth to the residents. But Forks was where my father Charlie lived, and right now it was the only choice I had left. Today I wore my favorite white lace tanktop and light jeans, tribute to the place that I was now leaving. In my hands was my parka.

In my trance of looking out the window, I almost didn't notice Renee's hand grabbing mine. I turned my face to her, hearing the words I had been expecting since we got into the car:"Izzy, you don't have to do this! Phil and I want you here, don't you believe me?", she cried out, her voice cracking slightly at the last part. I flinched painfully at the nickname. Once a term of endearment, it now felt like scratching their long nails against a chalkboard for me. He was the one who first started calling me that, after all.

"Mom, it's Bella now," I reminded her patiently. "and of course I believe you! I_ want_ to go now." I lied through my teeth. How could I want to leave my mom, the best friend I had ever had, the only person who understood me perfectly, to a place I could not stand? The truth was, I had to. Renee had Phil now to take care of her, and the memories I had here were getting painful. I knew through my lies, she could see it too. I held her hand the rest of the car ride.

Within what felt like too soon, we had reached the airport. I got my suitcases checked in and looked at the security checkpoint like it was the gateway to Hell. I gave Renee a hug using all the strength I had within me. "I love you, don't forget that" I whispered fiercely, feeling the sobs starting to come out. I went on board and then she was gone.

The flight was fairly short and in no time I realized, I would soon be at Forks. I spent the flight listening to my personal CD player and reading a book of poetry I had stolen from my high school's library. What? _It wasn't like anyone was using the poetry section for a good read_. No, that aisle had its own reputation as prime make-out realty. I however fully appreciated John Donne's Holy Sonnets. _It's probably why people thought you were weird, _I thought bitterly. In Phoenix I was the residential freak. I just never related to people my age, well people in general. If people ever noticed me, it was to tell me what a waste of space I was. That was only after he left though. I was a different person when I was with him. People thought I was pretty. I was always laughing and carefree and people liked and want to be around me. Or so I thought...When he left, I realized people only liked me because of him. I was worthless.

_THAT IS IT! I did not leave Phoenix only to recreate it here! I am starting a new chapter in my life and I am going to be different. I, Isabella Marie Swan, am not going to be the old happy go lucky Izzy Swan, __**I shuddered at the thought**__, but the new cool sophisticated Bella Swan I know I can be!_

_Yeah right..._ the voice in my head I hated croaked. _If you could have ever actually done something right, he might have never left in the first place. The only reason you're so adamant to change is in hopes he'd come back. Don't hope, because he's never coming back. You're too ugly, too stupid, too flawed, for him._

The voice won. I knew it was right. Who was I to think I could ever be what someone wants? I lowered my head, embarrassed at myself. I was at Forks now and I walked out of the airport only to meet the pouring rain. _This is what an omen feels like._

"Bella!" a familiar hoarse voice called out my name. It was Charlie and surprisingly his voice gave me comfortable warmth. I was glad he remembered to call me by my new nickname. I would only see him during the summer and I was happy to know how genuinely pleased he was to have me here._ There is someone in the world that wants me._

He came up to me and gave me his usual one-armed hug. "How've you been kid?" he asked in his gruff tone, his face showing the pleasure behind it.

"Alive and kicking" I replied slightly sarcastically, allowing him to see one of the small smiles so he would know. He took my bags into his police cruiser, and I placed myself in the passenger seat. The air hung heavily with an awkward silence as he drove back.

"So you play?" he asked casually, pointing to the guitar case residing between my legs since I would not let it out of my sight.

"Yep…" I murmured quietly, giving my case a loving glance. Music was my life. Besides books and art, music gave me a solace no arms could offer. I would be eternally grateful for the music lessons Renee made me take as a child. I could now manage to play any instrument fairly well.

We arrived at the house in less than an hour. I all but ran to my room with my things, and jumped on my bed. I inhaled the scent and was grateful that it was the same. In fact the room had not changed at all except for the new phone line Charlie must have installed for talking to Renee with. I quietly unpacked my things and at last had given myself to the jet lag and even allowing a few unshed tears to be released.

Tomorrow was going to be my first day at Forks High. _Oh joy. _I closed my heavy eyelids and dreamt of turquoise._ How I wish everything would just go black._

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**Everything's being corrected and re-updated (:  
Playlist is still up; We Are Scientists- This Scene Is Dead**


	2. Clocks

**Time for the next chapter, hope you guys like it enough to read this far  
Review please (:**

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**Chapter 2- Clocks**

(BPOV)

Ticking. _What a lovely sound to wake up to_, I thought groggily. **6:30 **flashed in a brilliant red as I turned off the bomb-sounding alarm clock and motioned towards the bathroom.

I took a hot shower and enjoyed the steam that relaxed my over stressed muscles.

I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. I wanted to beg the mirror to change what it kept showing me. A lanky pale freak with a sullen face kept staring back at me. The puffy bags under the eyes and the clarity of the veins under the skin gave off the impression the freak was also a drug addict.

I cringed as I glanced at the mirror one last time and went into my room. I put on a comfortable pair of straight leg jeans with a red baseball tee and navy rain boots Renee had thoughtfully bought for me, obviously knowing I would need them. I never put on any makeup usually but since I really did not need to get a bloody lip to round off the "druggie" look, I put on some simple pink lip balm.

By the time I got downstairs Charlie was already gone for work, leaving me a note with the directions to the school and keys to the cherry `53 Chevy pickup he bought for me from his friend Billy Black.

_Note to self: thank Charlie with awesome dinner tonight._ I quickly inhaled a bowl of cereal and grabbed my backpack and parka.

The school was relatively quick to reach, considering Forks was way too small to have traffic to begin with.

I relaxed noticing the student parking lot was filled with similar old cars like mine. _I'm like everyone else! _The nicest car in the whole lot was a silver Volvo and it stood out like a scarlet jay in a crowd of blackbirds.

I walked into the building with the sign FRONT OFFICE on it. A lady with a purple shirt stared at me expectantly.

"You must be Ms. Swan! I have your schedule right here, along with a map of the school!" she said, looking me up and down a few times before handing me the papers.

I pursed my lips together. _Talk of the town already? _I groaned inwardly. She kindly gave me directions to all of my classes and wished me a good day.

I easily found my first class in Building 3, English. I sighed in relief, I could not make a fool of myself in here. I timidly went into the class and introduced myself to the teacher, Mr. Mason. He gave a duplicate look of the lady in the front office and then sent me into back seat without introducing me.

That didn't matter because they all stared at me anyways. I felt blood rush to my cheeks and kept my face down most of the time. The book list were all the basics which I had read before I had even gotten to high school._ This is going to be one boring semester.. _

As soon as the bell rang, a tall Asian boy came up to me. "I'm Eric, you're Isabella Swan right?" he stated more than asking. "Bella" I corrected. He flushed a little and then offered to help me to my next class.

I smiled a little and accepted gratefully. _At least someone here is willing to be a little brave! _He asked me a little about myself and then proceeded to my class, Government.

The rest of the morning went about the same, with a bit more brave people who began to introduce themselves and ask about me. One of the girls in my Spanish class asked if I wanted to sit with her and her friends for lunch. I accepted excitedly. _Things really aren't going that bad!!_

We ended up sitting at the end of a packed table with a few of her friends. She introduced to me and I shyly waved to them. While everyone started to calm down, I pulled out an apple and a book I brought to read for when I got bored.

Thinking I was uncomfortable with my silence, one of the boys called Mike asked, "What book are you reading, Bella?"

" Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut! Have you ever read it?" I asked eagerly. How I hoped for someone with my literary taste!

"Uhhhh...no sorry. I'm kind of a graphic novel person myself!" He joked, trying to sound funny. The rest of the table laughed but I kept silent.

_Dammit! A little hyperactive there Swan, _my thoughts reprimanded me.

I wasn't allowed much time to argue with myself though, because the girl in my Spanish class had chosen that time to ask what I hoped would never come up.

"Do you have a boyfriend back in Phoenix, Bella?" she questioned inquisitively, getting the table to scrutinize my movements and reactions.

Turquoise eyes flashed in my head. "Not anymore...we broke up a while ago" I said softly, trying to keep my voice and face composed.

"Aw, that sucks. What happened?" She pushed.

" Uhm... He decided to move and he thought the distance would be to much," I was close to whispering now, knowing really why he broke up with me when he left. _He didn't want me anymore_.

"What was his name?"

"As-Astaire" I croaked, saying his name just made it more real. My mind went back to that day.

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**//Flashback//**

He was driving me back home from school. His ice blonde hair waved slightly with the wind and I took my time drawing a small version of him on my sketchpad. He was 19 to my 16 but that made no difference to me.

I had ran into him as a freshman in high school and he noticed the book in my hand. We started talking and we had been together ever since. He had even went to a local college to be with me even though he was so smart.

We had stopped in front of my house and I was about to invite him in when he interrupted my mouth from opening. "Izzy, we need to talk" he stated, his usually clear eyes, darker than cobalt.

"Izzy I'm moving. I got a scholarship to UC Berkeley for law school! I didn't think I would get accepted" he started mumbling.

"That's great! I promise we'll talk everyday!" I was so happy he would be able to pursue his dream even though the idea of him so far away hurt. Apparently I had said the wrong thing. His eyes turned even darker if possible as if fighting an internal war.

"No Izzy. We can't. I can't see you anymore" he said, his perfect face scrunching up, trying to figure better words to say.

"What? Why! Astaire?? But we love each other!" I exclaimed, hoping he couldn't hear the sound of my heart breaking as loudly as I could.

"That's the thing Izzy. We love each other but I don't think we've ever been _in_ love with each other. I hope one day I can see you again and by then you might have forgiven me. I'm so sorry" He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss my forehead. With that he went back into his car and left. The next day I found out he had moved.

**//End of Flashback//**

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When my mind had reeled back to the present everyone had already gone back to their own conversation. I blinked back tears and looked around for something new to look at.

That's when I saw them.

There were five of them sitting in the corner, far away from everyone else. They were silent, each of them with a tray of untouched food in front of them. Each of them looked so very different but so similar.

They all had paler skin than I did and the same dark eye color with purple shadows underneath. None of that made a difference though. They were all unbelievably beautiful.

There were three boys, one incredibly muscular with dark hair, one leaner with light blonde, and the last one lanky with perfectly tousled bronze hair. The two girls made every other girl look like the elephant man in comparison.

The tall girl reminded me of one of those exotic swimsuit models every teenage boy has a calendar of in their rooms. The shorter girl was very thin with cropped pixie-cut hair and perfectly angular. _Who were these people? How vain must I be to be so attracted to the "beautiful people"_?

"That's the Cullens. Don't even bother, they talk to no one outside of their family" the girl who's name I finally remembered, Jessica, stated matter-of-factly. She filled me in with all the gossip she knew about them and I empathized. _It must be hard being the core of such rumors all the time_.

"It's best to stay away from them," she warned, sounding like she knew what happened by crossing their path. _She must've gotten rejected. _I felt almost smug.

"Don't worry, I've had my share of pretty-boys for a lifetime I think" I said dryly.

I stared at the clock in the cafeteria. Each second that passed felt like another tick.

When would this day end?

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_**Tick Tock Tick  
****Coldplay - Clocks**_


	3. Big Machine

**Seriously, thanks for continuing to read my story. Mucho Gracias!  
Please give some reviews here! It helps most definitely**

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**Chapter 3 – Big Machine**

(BPOV)

Lunch was over. Only two more classes and then I was free from this hell I threw myself into.

I dove for my bag to check my schedule. **Biology and P.E. **The words seemed to stare back at me smugly. I groaned loud enough for people to turn around.

Physical Education and I just weren't the best of friends. I admit, at one point in my life I was athletic and graceful, honestly the all around student. _That all changed_, the taste in my mouth became as bitter as the thought. When _he_ left, he took my confidence and my strength with him. I became the clumsy know-it-all who spent more time with her things than people.

Mike looked at my schedule over my shoulder.

"You have Biology and P.E. with me! Sweet!" he exclaimed, his face looking like he just won the jackpot. I couldn't help but feel the red crawling up neck. It just wasn't everyday I received attention whatsoever from guys.

Taking my silence from thinking as shyness, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along with me stumbling a little. Biology was right next to the cafeteria so I didn't have much time to trip over myself.

Mr. Banner looked at me expectantly and I realized he was waiting for me to come up to him. He then pointed to the seat I was assigned to: One of the Cullen's. _Maybe if I just keep my head down the entire time he won't even notice me._

I walked to my seat when I noticed the strangest thing. His body stiffened so visibly I thought he was going into cardiac arrest. His hands began to grip the table so hard I thought he was going to break it off. Concerned, I brought up my face to look at his face. I wasn't prepared for what came next.

His perfect features could not hide the pure repugnance it held. His eyes were burning coal _with hatred_. His jaw was shut tight and it seemed like he was holding his breath. _If looks could kill_...The thought managed to get a grim smirk on my face. _Do I repulse him this badly? This semester might actually go a little easier having to make no contact whatsoever with him. _

Still though, the glare I could feel boring into the side of my head was starting to freak me out. _Oh God, I think I am going to have a panic attack. What did Renee say to when in this situation? Oh right, repeat a calming phrase over._

I started murmuring the first thing that came into my head: my favorite line from Slaughter-House Five: "G_od grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to always tell the difference_" I whispered repeatedly, closing my eyes so tightly, it would take a pair of pliers to undo them. I took a small breath and finally let my eyes open. The bright light caused my eyes to tear up a little but at least I had calmed down.

I put my head back down, while my hands ached to hold the familiar neck of my prized guitar. I hummed to myself pieces of a song I had written and the second the bell rang I all but ran out the door.

Mike finally caught up with me and held me in place, probably fearing I would run away from him too. "Woah Bella! Relax there for a second. Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him so…pissed", he struggled with words, not really knowing how to ask without being rude.

_So that's his name. It sounds very old fashioned..._ Yeah I knew, this should be the last thought I should be thinking, but I was honestly curious. "Honestly, I don't know what I did, I didn't say a word" I said exasperatedly, my brain reeling for anything offending at all I could have possibly done.

"Oh well, he's a strange one. They all are – The Cullen's I mean. If I had got to sit with you, I would have at least started a conversation," he mumbled slightly, and I felt myself blushing again. _Oh calm down, Swan. It's only because you're new that he's even talking to you._

Mike then pulled at my hand slightly and led me to the gym. Thank Lord for Coach Clapp, the gym teacher, he didn't make me dress since they were about to start a unit. I watched the teams playing volleyball, imagining the chaos that would ensue once I started to join them. _I'm putting $20 that at least 5 people this year get sent to the hospital because of me_.

After P.E. I made my way to the front office to return the slip with all the teacher's signatures I had collected. Reaching there, I noticed a tall figure already looming the lady on the desk. I sucked in my breath. _It was Edward Cullen._ I could only hear bits and pieces of their conversation, but from the load of it, I could tell he was trying to get out of his Biology class.

_It's because of you y'know_. This time I had no argument to present with my voice. How could it not be because of me after the way he treated me in class? I waited patiently, until someone else opened the door, the harsh wind blowing into the office. His body held that rigid pose it maintained during Biology and threw me a look of utter loathing before muttering a few words and leaving. I put my slip on the desk and stumbled my way to my truck.

I drove as fast as my car could handle before rushing to my room. I let a few tears slip and gave myself a minute to compose myself. _Why do people hate me so much? Why can't I make anyone happy?_

I slowly picked myself off my bed and made my way to my guitar case. I unlocked it and immediately felt my body falling into a state of peace. I held it gently before strumming a few chords. A few chords turned into a song, and I soon found myself singing along to the piece I knew by heart:

**"**_**Ecstasy is all you need, Living in the big machine now  
Oh, you are so vain, Now your world is way too fast  
Nothings real and nothing lasts  
And I'm aware, I'm in love but you don't care  
Turn your anger into lust, I'm still here but you don't trust at all  
**__**And I'll be waiting..."** _

_**I sang slowly to myself, feeling the lyrics cradling my feelings.**_

I put my guitar back into its case and went downstairs to start dinner for Charlie. _Things will turn up, so turn that frown upside down!_ I smiled to myself. It was something Renee would say. _Let's just hope she's right._

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**Lyrics by The Goo Goo Dolls. They definitely are an inspiration. And just to let you know, there will probably be a lot of music/film/book- related references. I just don't see a way of avoiding them when I write about Twilight.**

**Anyways ,please leave plenty reviews! Thank you!**


	4. Apocalypse Please

**Hey Guys! Just have to say, thank you so much to all the people favoriting/putting my story for alert  
It makes me really happy to know people actually like the story (:  
Anyways, I apologize the story is starting out really slowly, I just want all the details to be right.  
Just so you know, the story will start picking up its pace, and an EdwardPOV will be coming up.  
Please keep Rating/Reviewing! Thanks**

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**Chapter 4 – Apocalypse Please**

(BPOV)

It was safe to say the rest of the week was really not as bad as the first day. Even though the weather was cloudy, it wasn't raining: good omen. For the first time in a long while, I felt safe. Mike, Eric, Jessica, and her friend Angela made me feel more welcome than I deserved and I felt an odd sense of comfort in that. I had _friends_. The word felt foreign just thinking about it. I couldn't help but have a slight smile stuck on my face. Not anything big, but definitely an improvement.

Still, there was something bugging me, and I couldn't put my finger on why it irritated me so. _Edward Cullen wasn't there_. As much as I tried to convince myself it wasn't because of me, I knew it was. It made biology a lot easier to sit through, not feeling murder stare at me, but the empty seat in the usual table of five in the corner felt all the more conspicuous to me.

It was a Friday and the group, _I had a group!, _and I were sitting at the large circular table in the center of the table. Mike and Eric were having a serious discussion while Jessica and Angela complained about the Spanish test they just had to endure. What was I doing? Reading A Clockwork Orange while eating an apple. It surprised me how well they had taken to my strange habit during lunch, and it put me at an ease I wasn't expecting. _Maybe I could learn to let loose and like the place..._

"Hey! Bella!", Mike's voice called out, pulling me out of my newfound reverie. I looked up and was a little startled at how gleeful everyone's faces had become.

"Mike found out the clouds are going to clear over the weekend! We're thinking of heading to La Push for a beach retreat on Saturday. Wanna come?", gushed Jessica, excitement of getting out of Forks obvious in her voice.

"La Push..." I murmured, wondering why that sounded so familiar._ Oh! That's where Charlie got my truck from! _ I thought the idea over for a moment, not very sure of myself, but then I took another look at everyone. _These people want you to be with them! They want you to have fun too! _My eyes softened a little.

"Of course! That sounds absolutely great!", I all but sang, giving them one of the biggest smiles I felt myself capable of. They all stared at me, stunned for a little bit.

"...What?" I faltered, _maybe they were only kidding._

"Bella...you have a really pretty smile" Mike breathed, and the blush I had managed to fight down since I got here rushed to my face at full force.

Saturday could not have come any quicker. I awoke fresh from a long night of dreamless sleep, excited for the day ahead of me. Oh, how I missed the warmth of sunshine rays. Even Charlie was excited upon hearing about the trip. No doubt he knew all the kids and their parents, but I couldn't help but think he was starting to feel guilty for leaving me by myself a lot during the day.

I took a quick shower and ran for the selection of warm weather clothes I brought with me. _I knew these would be used sooner or later_, I mused to myself. In the end I chose to wear a pair of jean bermuda shorts and a simple orange v-neck shirt with my favorite pair of beaten up Chucks. Packing sunblock and a navy cardigan for when it got cold, I put on my lip balm, and was out the door.

Even though Mike offered to pick me up for the drive, I felt like this was the best time to take the truck out for a scenic drive. I felt pretty good at the moment I had to admit. I even had the radio on and singing along with it. Once you got past all the green and the gloomy part of Forks, even the biggest pessimist had to admit there was a certain charm in it.

I was there in less than twenty minutes.

Mike was definitely right. The weather in La Push was absolutely perfect this weekend. The sun shone quite visibly and the soft ocean breeze left a pleasant feeling on my skin. It took me a while but I finally realized the La Push beaches were where Charlie would take me sometimes during the summers I visited. The water was a light tinted grey, even with the sun shining through, and the small islands by the shore had a soft glint to them.

I noticed the small crowd of my friends down by the sand and carefully made my way there. Mike, upon seeing me, dropped the wooden planks he was carrying in his hand, and ran up to give me a big hug, Jessica slowly sauntering behind.

On any other occasion, I would have ran screaming having a guy touching me so affectionately, but to my surprise I flushed many different shades of red. _Get a grip Swan, _my inner voice exclaimed. _He's just being friendly. _I looked up into his boyishly happy face and felt myself grinning right back. _This time, I'm not getting hurt._

Oh, how wrong I was.

The darkness had reached quickly but no one had even noticed. We were all having a blast.

After playing Frisbee and having a water gun fight, the La Push reservation boys came to join us for a bonfire, bring food and booze along. We all sat in a big circle around the blazing fire while one of the boys, Sam, began telling stories of tradition from their Quileute elders.

He told one story amazingly well about the battle of the wolves and the "Cold Ones", as he referred to them. There was something about the story that was hitting home, and it just wasn't clicking.

After the stories, Angela brought out her boom box and light music played in the background while we all socialized.

I wasn't about to take this perfect view for granted however. I sat up from the circle taking my bottle of beer with me and walked near the shoreline. The view of the crashing waves was absolutely breathtaking. I took a seat where I stood and began taking in the scenery.

"Heeeey Bella" a husky voice slurred behind me. I turned around. It was Mike, stumbling a little as he made his way to sit down next to me. Obviously this was first time with alcohol and he wasn't taking it very well.

"Wasn't today sooooooo great. I had a great time, didn't you? It was soo much fun", he gushed making me giggle a little at the slightly confused face he was wearing. He turned to me and grinned goofily.

"Hey Bella, can I tell you something?" he turned his face both ways dramatically, making sure we were the only ones around. I nodded, curious what kind of drunken confession I was about to hear.

"I think you're reaaaaaally pretty" he said huskily. Then he jumped on me, holding my face with his hands. Before I could say anything, his mouth captured mine possessively, his hands moving down to the hem of my shirt. I was paralyzed.

_Oh shit._

"Mike, please stop. Please stop touching me. Mike!!" I struggled, doing all that I could to get him off of me. His body was just too heavy against my weak form. I shut my eyes tight, feeling the tears flowing out at an alarming rate.

And then the weight was gone. I opened my eyes to see one of the boys from the Reservation holding a passed out Mike firmly in his grip, looking ready to shake the life out of him. The boy's eyes and mine met and then I ran.

I ran as fast I could to my truck, falling twice on my way. I had acquired two new cuts, one under my face and one on my knee. I got in the truck, brought it to life, and slammed the accelerator as fast as it would go. The tears just wouldn't stop.

By the time I had reached home, the tears had stopped of their own accord. My body never felt heavier.

_You're pathetic, Swan. Look at you. No wonder Astaire dumped you. You have __**filthy whore**__ written all over you. All you do is latch onto guys and lead them on. How can you even call yourself human?_

I was too tired to fight with the inner bitch ruling my mind. I staggered upstairs and slumped to the bed. The pain was just too much. _I knew it. I don't deserve to have any peace. He was right to leave me. Of course he didn't love me! Who could love such a miserable excuse for a human being?_

The Apocalypse was near and I was the catalyst.

Time for war.

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**I hope you guys are like the story so far!  
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	5. Way Out

**Hey guys! If you've made it this far to the story, I can only gush my love and affection for you!  
I hope no one's too upset over the "beach incident"; I happen to like Mike Newton a lot myself.**

**And the reason Bella wasn't overly inebriated by the alcohol was because dating a guy three years older than her presented her to a lot of different situations. She was surrounded by the drug and alcohol scene since her boyfriend was very popular, but I'm happy to let you know she kept herself pretty responsible. If you have any other questions, message me anytime (:**

**Anyways, onto the long-awaited (for me at least) perspective of Mr. Edward Cullen.**

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**Chapter 5 – Way Out**

(EPOV)

If I kept my shoulders this tense for any while longer, they would most likely lock up for all of eternity. Who could blame me though? I haven't had this bad of an episode since the time I left the lifestyle of my household to hunt predators.

_How did she do it?_ It was the question plaguing me since the tantalizing scent of her blood slithered into my nostrils in Biology. It was as if Satan himself came down from my own personal hell and decided to sit next to me in the form of a rail seventeen year old by the name of Isabella Swan.

Every fiber in my being hated that girl. In a matter of minutes, she had beat down the almost-century worth of self control I possessed and had me plan all the million ways I could get her out of that classroom or massacre the entire class.

The second I had left that damned front office, so tiny and filled with _her_ smell I took the Volvo and sped hitting almost 200 mph to reach Carlisle. Alice would have probably seen this already so I knew they were not something to worry about. What was there to worry about was the massive amount of venom flooding my mouth, burning my throat with an ache so terrible, I felt like I was being changed all over again.

I rushed to his office and within minutes had exchanged car keys with him. Knowing he had a full tank in his Mercedes, I pushed on the pedal and head for the destination I knew I needed to go to: Denali.

The week I had spent there had helped me out immensely. I had finally managed to get the smell of her off of my clothes and out of my system. I had fed heavily on massive mountain lions until my body was saturated. I missed my family terribly and I knew the fret Esme must have been putting herself through. However for their sake, I had to make sure the temptation would not get the best of me. In fact it was only at the thought of them, I was able not to sink my teeth into the girl's fragile pale skin and suck her blood dry.

I arrived back in Forks around Sunday. Esme all but tore the door off of the car and held me in a deep embrace. "Edward, don't you ever do that to me again! You have no idea how worried I was", she scolded her kind eyes intense with fierce determination.

"Sorry Esme, I worried myself as well, but I truly apologize for any stress I put you through", I said, getting out of my car to face the rest of my family.

Alice, _no surprise there_, was the first one to speak up. "Don't worry about it Edward. Just come on and get inside" she declared, her spiked head bobbing up and down and she ran back into the house.

"Yeah, you have a lot to think about bro", Emmett explained, a smirk placed on his face as he and Rosalie also retreated inside, hand in hand.

I groaned. Now I had to figure out how I was going to deal with seeing _her_ in school tomorrow.

The family and I promptly arrived at school at 7:30, not too early to arise suspicion of any sort. The drive would've been a lot smoother, had Rosalie stopped complaining about my choice of music. Just because she can't appreciate the soft sound of John Coltrane, didn't mean she had to whine about it every thirty seconds.

Rosalie and Emmett rushed out of my Volvo while Jasper took his time to get out and open Alice's door. She took his hand and gave me one more cautionary glance before going with him. _I'll watch for you Edward_, she thought.

Minutes had passed and I still had not made a single movement to leave the car. There was only five minutes until class had started I didn't know why I hadn't moved. It was then that I heard it. The roaring of a dying machine that could only belong to one person. The red truck that had just entered the parking lot, found a spot the furthest from mine. _Was I waiting for her?!_

My eyes roamed the lot until I saw her. Even inside my car I could smell her blood and the impact shocked me into oblivion. Even though the monster inside of me and I were fighting a raging battle, I couldn't help but notice something different. Maybe it was the lighting, but her beautiful skin looked paler. _Beautiful? What the..._ _Was that a cut on her chin?_ Or maybe it was her eyes, which looked void of all emotion. It was as if she was a being without a soul moving. She looked even more breakable, if that was possible. _I want to protect her..wait WHAT!?_

Even my inner monster took notice of that one. As she stumbled inside, I sat frozen in my seat, emotions rolling through me like a tornado. Jasper should be glad he wasn't with me or he might have gone insane. Noticing the time, I took my things and ran to class realizing one more thing to add to the confusion. _I couldn't hear a single one of her thoughts._

Lunch time took longer time than usual to happen. _No, you were just being too anxious. _I took a seat beside Alice and Emmett in our usual table, their trays piled high in food that would end up going to waste anyways. _Anything to keep our identity hidden. _Jasper arrived with his tray, his eyebrows shooting up when he sensed the feelings I was going through. _What's going on Edward? Why are you feeling such desparation?, _his thoughts asked. I ground my teeth together and shook my head. He sighed and went towards Alice.

I searched through people's thoughts until I heard one finally giving me what I wanted to hear. _Jeez, what is wrong with Bella? One week she's our friend, the next she acts like none of us exist. I can't believe the way she treated Mike. She practically shoved him away when he tried to talk to her. I hope she doesn't even try to sit with us today. _Typical. The thoughts belonged to that of Jessica Stanley.

What wasn't typical was the rage I started to feel at the antagonistic emotions she held to Bella. _What are you talking about, you hypocrite? Last week, you had at least a hundred different plans set up to snap her neck off._

I cringed at my own realization, but then quickly looked on to looking for Newton's mind. _Ugh, I still have such a hangover from Saturday. I can't believe I got so drunk. I barely remember anything after playing frisbee with Bella. What is going on with her anyways? Look at her sit all by herself in the corner._

That quickly made my head turn to see, just as Mike had said, Bella sitting by herself in one of the lone circular tables in the corner. She was reading Doomed Love by Virgil and eating an apple. _Doomed Love? There are teenagers that even know who Virgil is?!_ Who _**is**_ she?

I finally took my chance and silenced all other thoughts to focus on hers. _Nothing. Total silence. Either this girl was brain dead or I had finally found the exception to my power. _It was then that I had noticed her visibly shaking. I looked to where she was staring, to see Newton going to her.

_That's it. I have to find out what is going on. I'll make her tell me what happened that has her acting so weird._

"Bella! What is going on? Come back to our table so we can talk" He pleaded. The shaking became worse as she shook her head firmly.

_Ugh girls can be such a pain, _he thought. "Come on Bella" he seethed, pulling her arm. _How dare he touch her like that!?_

Before I made the movement to get up, Alice held me by the sleeve. It was then that I heard it.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Bella screamed, her voice raw with emotion. The whole cafeteria became silent. Even my family had turned to look at the two of them.

_Why does her screaming sound so familiar? _Images started flashing in his head. Sitting next to Bella. Pretending to tell her a secret. Jumping on her and trying to use his filthy hands on her body. _Oh God, what have I done?_

A deep growl rumbled in my chest, aching to be released. My need for Bella's blood was almost forgotten about. It was Newton's I wanted now. Alice held a firm grip on me from letting me get any closer.

Newton's face was stuck on a look of pure horror and he kept whispering "Oh God" to himself. _Yeah that's right. Call to God now, see what he has to say to your sins against a defenseless girl_, I thought bitterly.

Bella's face changed several times over the first couple of seconds. First into anger, then into hatred, last into sadness. Tears began falling down her angrily flushed cheeks and she ran out the door.

It was then I decided, I was going to go after her. I knew I would not be able to rest until I knew if she was safe. For all I knew she could have already gone on her way with a plan to get into worse trouble.

I had to. I don't know why, but I had to. There was just no way out.

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**Well I hope you guys are still enjoying the story!  
Please keep R/R, it really makes all the difference  
Suggestions are happily welcomed.  
Next chapter will definitely be fast paced (:**


	6. Anywhere With You, Raw Sugar

**Wow! Over 1,100 hits in less than three days! You have no idea how flattered I am. It's unbelievable  
I'm really glad you guys liked the last chapter, I was nervous about writing in a male perspective.  
Please you guys, keep reviewing! They help me out more than I could ever say.  
Okay, onto the chapter (:**

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**Chapter 6 – Anywhere With You  
(BPOV)**

I was **mad.** I was **depressed**. I was **confused.**

Really, not the best combination of emotions to have when you feel like no one in the world was on your side.

While Mike was frozen for whatever reason he was, I took my chance, pushed the cafeteria doors open and left for fresh air. The tear tracks on my cheeks and the air made shivers run down my spine, and I went for shelter in the one place I knew. My truck.

I got inside and let myself cry it out. It didn't take very long and soon I was taking deep breaths and repeating phrases in my head. My body ached from the tension. I needed release and I needed it now. Then I remembered. _They should be underneath the seat somewhere._ I ransacked the entire front seat until I found what I was looking for. My old pack of Marlboros.

I knew under the stress level I would be coming to Forks, down the line I would probably need one. _Don't get me wrong, I don't condone smoking at all, they're just my last resort. _I pulled out my lighter from the glove compartment and lit up. Taking a long drag, I released all my frustrations into the puff of smoke that came out. I wasn't even close to feeling relieved however. Suddenly, I heard a knock on my window. I shut my eyes tightly. _Oh God, please please please don't let it be a teacher. Charlie will kill me if he ever found out_. Slowly, I opened my eyes and turned my head towards the sound. It wasn't a teacher. _It was worse. _It was Edward Cullen.

Taking one more drag, I slowly lowered the window to his now scowling face.

"What do you want?" I spat, a little more harshly than I meant to but I was too frustrated to care.

"What are you doing?", he snarled, still trying to make more of an effort than I was to maintain composure.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I replied dryly, wishing nothing more for his perfect self to leave me in my misery.

Before I even noticed, he had snatched the cigarette from me and threw it on the ground. _What is this guy's problem!?_

"Haven't you heard from maybe every sensible person on this planet? Cigarettes kill, and you really don't need anything more to kill you!", he exclaimed through clenched teeth, now holding the bridge of his nose with two of his fingers.

I snorted loudly, not really caring what impression I was giving. _I almost forgot, I'm talking to a doctor's son. "_Sorry some of us aren't as careful as our lives as we should be. Why do you care anyways, you're the one who can't stop glaring at me!", I was now close to yelling, all my frustrations coming out like a wild wave.

"I don't care." he replied, his voice colder than ice. I could feel the tears coming out again. _Why does it feel like I'm having my heart broken again?_

He seemed to understand what he had just done, because his face looked appalled and his tone became gentler. "My sincerest apolgies. That was totally uncalled for and I was just getting frustrated with these distractions", his eyes now resembling hot butterscotch more than the black fire I had remembered in Biology. _How did they just change like that?_

He took my silence as me ignoring him so he continued. "And I also apologize for my incredibly disrespectful behavior the last time we had met. I saw what just happened with Newton and I wanted to check to see if you were alright. Please is there any way I could make this up to you? At least drive you home. You're in no state to be anywhere at this moment.", he pleaded, his eyes boring into mine.

I wanted to understand him, to forgive him, to do anything to make him smile. _You can't do that though. He can't be anywhere near you! You'll only cause him pain._ "Please," I croaked, no longer able to look at his perfection anymore. "You shouldn't try to stick around close to me. I'm only bad news for you."

With that, I rolled up my windows, looking up from my lashes to see his shocked face, and turned on the car. I didn't care that I was ditching, I just needed to get as far away as possible from these people who were making my life so much more difficult than needed to be.

_Don't worry about Edward. He'll forget you even existed soon enough. That's what they all do.._

_

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_

**Raw Sugar  
(EPOV)**

I watched her monster of a truck drive on by, still able to hear the sobs racking her delicate body. The second her truck went out of sight, I rammed my fist into a tree, quite close to having it snap in half.

_How stupid can you possibly be!? She just got confronted by an idiot that almost raped her and all you can do is insult her very presence. No wonder she wouldn't even allow you to help her when even she knew she needed it. You're such a monster!_

My ever-growing frustation caused me to pace back and forth, until of all people, Rosalie showed up.

"What are you doing!? You know someone could have seen that? Why are you freaking out over some _human_" she seethed, pulling both of my hands to my sides, before I could attempt to pull out my hair.

_I don't know_, I thought sadly. All I knew was that this human was a siren to me. Her blood called out to me, but for some reason I could resist it. And now that she was getting into other trouble besides being around me, every muscle in my being ached to protect her from it. I could not help my fury when I saw her smoking a cigarette in her truck. _Is she __**trying**_ _to kill herself?? _And Newton. If I wasn't committed to protecting my family from being revealed, his neck would have been snapped before she screamed.

The weirdest thing though was how her scent at that moment wasn't taking me over as it usually had. It was like my fury and my need to protect her made me forget what the monster inside really wanted: her blood.

Rosalie had by then taken my arm and dragged me back inside. The cafeteria wasn't as quiet as I had left it, but now filled with hushed whispers, all talking about Bella and what happened.

_What a weird chick. I wonder what Newton did with her? I bet he was a bad lay and that's why she wouldn't let her touch him. _The thoughts of this annoying children, made me grind my teeth in anger.

The bell had rung, and I went straight to Biology, not even bothering to look like I was going to pay attention in class. Mr. Banner didn't care very much since I was his best student.

_I wonder where Ms. Swan is? She probably went home sick, she didn't look good when I passed her this morning, _Mr. Banner's thoughts just as gossip-like as everyone else in Forks High.

Throughout the class, I couldn't help but stare at the empty seat next to me. The curiosity I held was starting to get the best of me. I _had_ to know what she was doing. While Mr. Banner continued to discuss the excretory system, I placed a hand up in the air and he immediately took notice.

"I'm feeling a little ill, Mr. Banner. Is it alright if I can be excused?" I asked putting a little more force than needed.

_He must really be sick. He otherwise has perfect attendance. _"Certainly, Mr. Cullen." He said, extending his hand towards the door.

I took my bag and left passing by Alice's class before I left. _I'll let the others know Edward. I just hope you know what you're doing. _

I got out of the building and started running towards the Swan house. I was faster than my car anyhow, and no one would be able to see me to begin with. I took a sidestep and jumped to the tree next to her house. Right into the window of her room. Once again, I was assaulted by the power of her smell, but this time I was prepared. I could handle it. I didn't know exactly how, but I had a greater need than blood at the moment.

I peeked inside to see Bella on the phone.

", Mom I'm fine! Really, I was just feeling a little ill and decided to come home early. Forks is fine. Really it's great." she was saying, obviously lying through her teeth. I was perplexed. _Why would she say she was fine at Forks, when it was apparent she hated the place?_ I put more focus into the soft voice in the room.

"No, Mom please. I'm fine, I like it here. You and Phil just got married, you two need space of your own. Please don't feel burdened by me", she was pleading now, trying to not to crack by the look on her face. _She looks so broken, I want to hold her._

She got off the phone and fell on her bed. The tears were flowing fresh on her face. _It was breaking my non-existent heart. _

" Swan, get a hold of yourself. You exiled yourself here, it was your choice. Live with it." she pleaded, trying to pull herself together.

"It's okay if no one likes you here. It's not like it was any different from Phoenix. I just wished I wasn't so stupid to put my trust in any of them. I can't believe I even let Mike close to me. No one can ever love me..", her voice broke again and she put her face in her pillow.

_Did she really think no one could love her!? How absurd. How could no one love such an innocent and beautiful creature like her? I'll murder anyone who told her different. _These emotions flowing out of me were strong. _What was it that I was feeling. One minute I want to hurt someone, the next I want to give this girl everything and anything she could ever desire. I wonder if humans have to deal with feelings like this._

I didn't have any more time to entertain the idea though, because she got up again, looking for something next to her closet. _If it's another packet of cigarettes...._But it wasn't. It was a guitar.

_She plays? This girl keeps hurling surprises at me every single time I think I have her figured out._

She started picking a few notes and then strummed chords. She was going to play a song.

"_**Sort of wonder why No one said a word  
Don't you like it on the sly?  
Don't you like it till it hurts?  
Have I been on your mind? What's a voice without a song?  
Something in your head You've been fighting all the long...  
I don't want to say it, The news is not so good  
We'll never get away, And even if we could  
We'd just play the tambourine Around an open flame  
Oversleep and burn To be back in the game"**_

Her soft voice against the gentle song of the guitar was like a surge of electricity through my body. She was not ordinary, that I could see. _She truly was a siren, and I was her enraptured victim._

She dried her tears and went to cook dinner for her father. I waited there all night.

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**I hope you guys continue to read the story (:  
PLEASE rate/reveiw**


	7. Pachuca Sunrise

**Hey guys! Once again, thank you so much all the hits/reviews/favorites/alerts ive been getting  
Love to all of you! Anyways, I'm happy to say from this chapter one, there will be a whole lot more Edward/Bella interaction :)  
Hope you enjoy3**

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**Chapter 7 – Pachuca Sunrise  
(BPOV)**

That night, the nightmares began.

Each time I closed my eyes, I entered a bleak world, dark and cold. Around me were faces of different people I had encountered through my life, each of them wearing an evil glare. I had never felt more alone. Then there was a light. It was small, like the flame of a candle but it was there. I ran as fast as I could. In my dreams, I was graceful, so it wasn't that long until I reached it. There by the light, were two tall figures. Astaire and Edward stood side by side. Both wore gentle smiles on their faces, and extended their hands toward me. I reached for it, but at that very moment, the ground or whatever I was standing on broke, and suddenly I began free falling, the darkness beginning to encompass me.

And then I awoke. Beads of sweat were on my forehead, I wiped them away with the back of my hand. The clock glared **5:08** at me but my body got off the bed anyways. I put on my sneakers and I did the only thing I felt I could. I ran. The cold air was quite refreshing to my sleep-deprived body and it felt good to run without having to worry about anyone to watching. The less I had to feel self conscious about myself, the easier it was run without tripping. I ran about two miles around the neighborhood and back, by the time I reached the house sweat was dripping off of me like a waterfall.

Invigorated by the run, I headed straight for the shower and took my time to let the steam pamper me. When I got out of the shower, I ran past the mirror, refusing to let myself get to me.

I picked my clothes carefully, deciding if I was going to be the most hated person at Forks High, it wouldn't hurt to be better dressed while I'm at it. I ended up picking a pair of grey skinny jeans, thank God for Renee's good choice when it comes to helping me buy clothes, with a navy ribbed wife beater and red lumberjack flannel shirt. I put on my rain boots and went downstairs.

Charlie was standing by the counter drinking coffee in his usual mug while reading the local paper.

"Hey Dad" I said, watching amused as he turned around so quickly his coffee almost spilled.

"Hey k-kid", he stumbled, definitely not expecting seeing me. "What are you doing all ready? It's only 6:25!"

"I couldn't sleep so I took a run and got dressed early" I shrugged, taking eggs out of the fridge, preparing them sunny side up with some toast for the both of us to eat for breakfast.

"Wow. Looks great, Bells! You sure are easy to live with." he chuckled, before taking a seat and diving in. I smiled slightly, _These are all good omens. Good run, good shower, good outfit, good compliments._

We ate in comfortable silence before he had to go to work, giving me a soft kiss on the head while exiting. I took this as my cue to clean up the dishes before getting my parka and bag, and heading out the door myself.

I tuned my radio station until I gave up and settled with the only clear station I found, classical. George Gershwin's _Rhapsody in Blue _filled the car, the beauty of the tune getting me to hum along.

I arrived at school at record time, definitely one of the earliest people there. I gave myself some time in the truck to keep warm and listen to some music from my personal CD player. Before long there was only five minutes left to class, so I took my things and took my time to get to my class.

The second I opened the door into the main hall, it happened. Everyone became a lot quieter, although the buzz of whispers remained harsh in my ears. I could feel the red on my face, and I put my face down while I walked.

"I give her a week before she decides to move back, what do you think?" the malicious voice of Lauren Mallory talking to her friends, quite clear. I became so focused at hearing what she was saying, I didn't even notice the stray book in the hall until I tripped over it, falling flat on my face.

The hall roared with laughter. My eyes stung with tears and I raced to get to class. _So much for all the good omens, huh Swan?_

Throughout all my morning classes, the student body ignored me. From what I had gathered from the talk behind my backs, I was stuck up and both a prude and a slut, though I will never understand that one.

During Trig and Spanish, Jessica and Lauren teamed up to throw spiteful glances everytime I looked back while even though Mike had the decency to stop pursuing after me, it didn't stop him from giving me pleading looks as well. _I am going to get a migraine by the end of the day._

I skipped the cafeteria line since I already had my apple and bottle of lemonade in hand and went straight to my new table in the corner. I pulled out my book, From Here To Eternity by James Jones, and took a bite at my apple. I absolutely loved the book and the movie just as much. I would never tell anyone, but the scene where Warden and Karen share a passionate kiss with the waves capsizing over them had a special place in my heart. The story itself was more or less about the two of them having an affair but the scene was just so tender, I couldn't help but admire them. The trouble they put themselves through to have each other, that's what I thought love was. _Not like you would know._

I was reeled back to reality when I heard a tray hit the table. _Who would want to have lunch with me?_ I looked up and saw none other than Edward Cullen, the bipolar boy wonder himself.

"We have to stop meeting like this," I drawled, a little tired of his _Kiss Me, Kill Me_ attitude he presented to me. He just chuckled, _a beautiful sound_, I couldn't help but think, and sat down.

"I saw you sit all by yourself here and I decided you need some company." he said matter of factly, before taking a look at the book in my hands.

I couldn't help but ask curiously, "Won't you family mind that you're sitting with the resident slut, prude, bitch, or whatever I'm being called, instead of them?", my body stiffening with each word pouring out of my mouth.

His eyes narrowed considerably, "My family will survive not having me around for a lunch. Rosalie is probably giddy now that I'm not sitting with her, actually. And anyone who says anything about you, will have to face me, okay?" his voice lulling the pain I felt.

"Whatever," I shrugged, refusing to accept the butterflies filling my stomach. "So do you wear contacts or something?", I shot, trying to change the subject.

He looked confused. "No...why?"

"It's strange. One day your eyes are as black as onyx and right now they're almost honey-colored." I observed, looking at him to catch his reaction.

He froze for a second before forcefully laughing it off, "That **is** strange. Must've been the lighting..." he mused, although his tone of voice was saying something completely different.

I was about to press on when he cut me off, "That's a really good book you have there. Do you like the movie?" he asked, changing the subject just as I had.

The question made me think of my favorite scene, I blushed crimson. "Yeah, I do.." I said softly, before turning my face down.

I could hear him begin to ask me questions concerning the new all-time high shade of my face, so I decided to ask him what I had been wondering since I saw his tray.

"Cut to the chase. What do you really want?" I demanded, wondering what he wanted with me. _Probably to use you Swan. Sorry, greek gods don't normally come to a normal girl every day._

"Bella," _I liked the way my name sounded coming from his mouth_, "can you quit the hostility for just a moment please? I know the way I treated you was unforgivable, but I'm here begging for some form of redemption. What can I do to earn it?" he pleaded, his light eyes giving of tone of liquid gold.

"That's the thing," I sighed, _the resistance I have is incredible. _"Look, you don't even know me. You don't know what I've been through. I just don't know if I can trust you", I whispered the last part, fighting tears back at the way his face had fallen.

He composed his face again and began to stand up. _Look at what you've done now Swan. You have managed to push out everyone in your life you might have been able to care for. _

"I see now." he said formally before he grabbed my hand and pulled me up. _What the.._

"Hello there! My name's Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you!" he exclaimed, extending his hand out toward me.

A flashback of my dream jerked in my mind. "What are you doing?" I breathed, more than a little confused at what was going on.

"I realized I can not just simply hurt you like that, and accept you to allow me to waltz back into your life spot clean. Considering, we never really introduced ourselves to each other, I would like to take this moment to do so as if we have never met before. I will attain your trust, no matter how long it takes" he rushed, giving me a breathtaking smile.

"I don't know...are you sure you want to do all of this for me?" I mumbled, afraid he would come to his senses and run straight out of town.

He didn't. "I'm positive." he said fiercely, his eyes full of determination.

"Your loss" I shrugged, before shaking his hand. Immediately a jolt of an electrical current passed between us.

The bell rang. "No, I certainly believe it will be my gain", he grinned cheekily before heading off to Biology, my mouth hanging open watching him leave.

_I think I just sold my soul._

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**Yay! I hope you guys are still enjoying the story.  
I can't tell you how much fun it is to write it out and see all your reactions  
For the love of Twilight, please review! (:**


	8. Back In Your Head

**Hey guys!  
Sorry about the delay, Finals are coming soon and my grades are in desperate need of improvement.  
I really can't stop talking about the reviews I get from you guys, you're all AMAZING!!  
Just keep it up and so will I :)  
On with the chapter now!**

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**Chapter 8 – Back In Your Head  
(EPOV)**

As I walked out of the cafeteria, I could not help but sneak a glance behind to see if Bella had made any movement since my proposition. I was amused as I watched her jaw fall open, before shutting tight and following after me, a silly look plastered on her face.

I could hear the thoughts as I passed by my family. _Befriending a human...honestly what are you thinking?! _Jasper's thoughts didn't surprise me. _She looks fun...I'm intrigued._ I shook my head at Emmett. _I'm going to introduce myself soon Edward!_ My eyes flashed warningly at Alice, while she just scoffed and went towards Jasper. _When you decide to take a snap at her, let me know so I can tell you I told you so_. I simply ignored her when she rolled her eyes and grabbed Emmett's hand.

Their thoughts bugged me to no end, but deep down I was just as confused with myself as they were. _What was I doing? Why did it matter so much if she could trust me? She shouldn't trust me, I'm the bane of her existence, literally._

I didn't have much time to torture myself with my conflicting thoughts, because the second she entered the room, her scent hit me hard, a crashing wave for a small fish. She just had to smell so damned delectable, a mix of vanilla, strawberries, and freesias, it was maddening. However, it was starting to get easier to fight the monster who wanted her blood, but I could still feel the imprints of my hand from gripping the table too tightly.

Closing my eyes, I let my muscles relax and my face compose before turning to her, giving her a soft smile. Her heartbeat started sputtering, I couldn't help but smile wider.

She scowled and sat down next to me. Today in biology we were looking at slides and in what stage of mitosis they were, so I knew I would get my chance to talk to her during the lab.

While Mr. Banner rambled on about the signs of what stage each slide would be in, Bella placed herself at the very corner of the table, frustration radiating out of her like rays. I couldn't help but be perplexed. _I hate not knowing what she's thinking. This is absolutely infuriating._

While I continued to grumble about my current situation, Bella had got up to get the microscope and slides, _not tripping either_, I thought.

She began to place one of the slides into the microscope and after looking at it for a couple of seconds, declared it was Anaphase.

"May I take a look?", I asked, wanting to check if she had made a mistake or not. Most of the children here were trying to just put the slide into the microscope, let alone actually figure it out.

Her scowl deepened slightly before pushing the microscop towards me. She was correct. _But then why does she look so mad? _It clicked. _I had basically insulted her in her competency._ I very much wanted to hit myself at that moment.

"I'm sorry...again", I repeated. Just how many times would I be apologizing to her before I could even reach anywhere with her?

She took a deep breath, sending her sweet aroma into my nostrils before giving me a sweet smile of her own, it was heaven sent. "I'm sorry too Edward. I keep picking at things as reasons we shouldn't get to know each other, and I really am just being a snob", her tone sincerely apologetic.

"Don't worry, I understand." I said, giving her an encouraging glance, my hands aching to give her a touch of assurance. _I just want to get in your head._

"So...", she began her face flushing with her words, "how exactly does this work? I'm not very used to this sort of thing", she looked down, giving me a chance to stare at the luscious color of her skin.

"Trust me, I'm on the same boat you are", I murmured, wondering how long she could keep her skin that shade of bubblegum pink.

_Look you suggested it, you should start it. Give her something to start talking!_

"So tell me about yourself", I blurted out. She immediately stiffened enough for me to notice.

"What do you want to know?" she asked warily. _I want to know everything._

"Tell me why you moved here", I said, even though I knew. Maybe then she'd feel a bit more comfortable with me.

Her eyes saddened a little, staying silent while finishing the lab. _Why won't she say anything? Start it off._

"You don't like it here", I stated more than asked.

"I wonder what gave you that idea" she drawled, her tone rich in sarcasm, still beautiful nonetheless. It was then she softened and gave herself a chance to explain. "It's complicated.", she said, her tone once again apologetic.

"Tell me, I'm sure I can keep up." I pressed. I was getting desperate for information.

She finally broke open, spilling her thoughts like an overflowing cup. "My mother got remarried to a younger guy. I like him enough, and he takes good care of her. But they're getting ready to start a new family and I was getting in the way of that. I sent myself here, kind of as an exile. And then there's..." she explained, her eyes looking down in what looked like shame.

"there's...?" I pushed further, thoroughly surprised at what she had said. It was not at all what I thought I knew.

She froze, her voice becoming colder than ice "Nothing I want to talk about any further.", she stated. _She is going to be the death of me, leaving me with only bits and pieces._

"That doesn't seem fair, making yourself go to somewhere you don't want to be." I mused, fishing for a reaction.

"Hasn't anyone told you, life's not fair?" she asked, looking directly into my eyes. _Her eyes are like deep pools of warm chocolate._ This creature was truly an angel. Nothing at all like anyone else I had ever seen or known. And then I was gone. I knew it. There was no way I could let her go, and it was infuriating.

Our eyes had been caught into a deep lock. The bell rang, and she had realized what we had been doing, her face turning away embarrassedly. This time I took the microscope and the slides while she got her things together.

_What the hell is going on with her and Cullen? Ugh, I'll try and talk to her during P.E. I want to fix things between us. _

A rumbling grew in my chest as I heard Newton's thoughts from the other side of the room. I looked at Bella possessively before making sure he had seen it.

"Can I walk you to your next class?", I asked Bella politely, hoping the pleading wasn't as obvious to her as it was to me.

She nodded shyly and I breathed a sigh of relief. We grabbed our bags and walked down the building.

"Thanks" she said softly, if I didn't have such a strong sense of hearing, I probably wouldn't have caught it.

"For what?", I asked. She didn't need to thank me for anything; it was totally the other way around. I could easily praise her for every minute she spent with me.

"For listening to me. You know, you're the first person who actually asked me _why _I was here. It felt good to finally let someone know how I felt." she explained, a new sense of incredulity filling me. _I was the only person she was telling her confessions to!_ The inner human in me was doing back flips.

We reached the gym too quickly. "See you later, Edward" she said warmly, and I felt myself glowing with this newfound happiness.

"Yeah most definitely" I said smiling wider than ever before. She looked startled before blushing a billion different shades of red.

I turned and walked to my next class, my euphoria enough to last me the rest of my existence.

* * *

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	9. Stay Where I Can See You

**I thought I would get ahead with writing this chapter since it would be incredibly long.  
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Let me know if you're getting annoyed with the continuing change of perspective. (:  
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* * *

**Chapter 9 – Stay Where I Can See You  
(BPOV)**

The following weeks from Edward's proposition were different. Oh, who am I kidding? They were amazing. For the first time in a year, I had a friend. For the first time ever, I had a true one.

Every morning I arrived at school, and there he was, next to my truck, a picture of perfection leaning casually to the adjacent car. He would walk me to my classes, and we would talk constantly. Within those few weeks he had found our more about me than any other person in my life. It was slightly scary. _But oh so thrilling... _I had found myself laughing and smiling more than I thought was possible out of me, and I could have sworn Edward was feeling the same. Why, I would never understand. But I wouldn't complain.

Edward had turned lunch into a session of 20 Questions...except more than 20. When he wasn't firing questions at me, he was insisting I eat more than my usual apple and lemonade. _I never get why he does that, when he buys so much food but then never eats any of it. _There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but he never gave me time. I was starting to feel like this was a one-sided friendship. No matter though, I would figure out what he was trying to hide.

I never understood what the price of curiosity was anyways.

* * *

It was a particularly cold Monday when I woke up, really an all-time low for Forks. That didn't damper my spirits any less though. I got dressed quickly and was out the door in no time. I even was singing along to the radio. I had to be very careful with my truck, it wasn't used to the icy roads and was as prone to slipping as I was.

I got out of the cab, ready to see that dazzling face I would never get used to, only to see an empty space. I was perplexed. _Where was he?_ I went up to the front of my truck and started looking around for him. _There!_ He was next to his Volvo across the parking lot, talking seriously to his sister Alice. She had introduced herself to me last week and was just as personable, if not more spunky, as Edward.

"Edward! Alice!" I called, watching their faces turn around to me, breaking out in smiles. That didn't last very long because within half a second, they stared at me in horror.

I turned and watched in a similar horror as the scene enfolded in front of me. A dark blue van was skidding, tires locked and spinning maddeningly across the icy pavement in my direction. I closed my eyes and waited for the van to end the short existence known as my life. _At l ended it being relatively happy._

Right before I expected the van to snap my body in half, something granite hard and ice cold hit me down, causing me to hit my head against the pavement. Before I could get a moment to register what was happening, a low murmur and a pair of excruciatingly cold hands pulled me out of the way of the van from hitting me a second time and pushed me into the side of another car.

The van had screeched to a halt and then silence. Then the screaming began. Amidst all the chaos I had only realized one thing. It was Edward Cullen who had saved my life. I quickly turned my head up, causing more aching to my neck, but I didn't care. It really was him. "Bella, are you alright?" he asked, worry laced in his otherwise cautious tone.

"Yeah, I'm alright" I groaned, my voice giving me away. He chuckled before adjusting our position so I could move a little easier.

"Wait..", I trailed off, trying to get the thoughts in my head organized. "How did you save me? You were with Alice on the other side of the parking lot!"

"I was right next to you Bella, what are you talking about?" he stated forcefully. _Was he trying to intimidate me into believing that. I might have hit my head, but I know what I saw._

I didn't get any time to argue though because within no time six EMTs had moved the van for stretchers to come. For some reason they did not take Edward but they took me, despite my protests.

They put me in an emergency room for a short time, Charlie stalking doctors until he got answers about my health. Once he had cooled down and went back to work, I had closed my eyes so none of the doctors or nurses would bug me. I hated hospitals. I could smell the rusty scent of blood everywhere.

"Bella, are you awake?", a quiet but familiar voice said. My eyes flared open and there he was. Edward was there, a grim smirk on his face. "I thought you'd need someone to bust you out of this place." he said, causing me to snicker. A doctor walked in and my jaw dropped. A gorgeous man, more fit for a job on Grey's Anatomy, rather than an actual doctor in this small town.

"Hi Ms. Swan, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I just looked at your charts. Your X-rays look good. I think we can let you go now." he said kindly, his voice smoother than I thought was possible.

I simply nodded, not able to say much. I could see Edward frowning at my blatant staring at his adopted father.

Before Dr. Cullen left, finally a proper though invaded my brain. "Is Tyler alright?" I blurted, hoping nothing had happened. "He's fine, just a little more cut up than you are." I smiled appreciatively, as he nodded and walked on, no doubt to go check on other patients.

" Two down, three to go." I said wistfully to myself. When Edward looked at me questioningly I explained. "I made a bet with myself how many people I would send to the hospital this year, myself included."

Edward was about to say something, but I harshly cut him off.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded, fury suddenly boiling in the pit of my stomach. "How were you able to save me from across the parking lot within less than 5 seconds? What are you hiding from me? I thought we were friends!" I needed to know. It was like desperation took control over my rational side.

"I don't owe you anything." his voice steely hard.

"Why did you even bother then?" I said frigidly.

"I don't know..." his reply came out as a whisper, but I had heard it. It had hurt like a punch in the gut.

Without warning, the tears came. "Goodbye Edward" I said slowly, before walking past him and out of sight.

* * *

For the rest of the week, I had not seen him. As the previous time, I knew it was my fault. I wanted to sulk, I wanted to go to bed and curl up in a ball and cry, but my pride wouldn't let me do it. I wouldn't show the pain I felt from the obvious rejection I had coming. _What was it for this time? He got all his gossip and then he ran. _

But what hurt the most was the fact I couldn't see him. Even if he didn't care, even if he hated me, I still wanted to see his face. Torture, that's what I was doing to myself.

So I did what every teenage girl does best after facing separation: go back for girl time.

Angela and Jessica were talking in Trig, when I coughed quietly. They turned around, Angela's face full of pleasant curiosity, Jessica's not so much.

Impulse took over me and I asked rushed "Do you guys want to go shopping with me in Port Angeles?" _What the hell? I hate shopping. Shut up, its the universal thing girls like to do. Just accept you're a freak of nature._

Angela looked shocked at first, but quickly revived and shyly nodded. _I knew I liked her better for a reason. _Jessica was looking me over, doubt obvious on her face.

"Look Jessica, I'm sorry about the way I avoided you guys. If you come with me I can give you the full explanation and hopefully by then you can forgive me." I pleaded, _I needed this._

Jessica looked me over once more and then nodded. I took a seat and she started filling me in with the gossip. Finally I could push aside my thoughts of a certain bronze haired boy.

* * *

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Don't ask why  
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	10. How To Be Dead

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Chapter 10 – How To Be Dead

(EPOV)

Regret. It was a feeling all too well-known to me. I had felt it when I had become what I am. I had felt it when I went on my own to drink human blood. And I had felt it whenever I disappointed Carlisle and Esme. But the regret I felt when Bella had walked away after me saying those stupid words, was worse than all of the other three combined and then some.

How I wanted to run after her, get down to my knees and plead forgiveness until she gave in, but I couldn't. Thinking about it made me clench my fists tightly. _Why couldn't she understand? I __**couldn't**_ _care. Caring would draw me further in. And the further in I get, the harder it would be to resist._

The night following the hospital visit, my family and I had gotten into the worst fight we had seen. Undoubtedly everyone was more than upset at my actions. I couldn't blame them. I had almost single-handedly given away our identities saving _that girl's_ life from the oncoming van. As much as I tried to convince myself I had done it so her blood wouldn't have spilled in front of me, I knew what the real reason was. I had gotten _attached_. And my attatchment came at the cost of the peace in my household.

At first Jasper and Rosalie fought hard with me to try to just get rid of the girl. My growl was deadly at the thought of it. Then it was down to a split. Jasper, Rosalie, and I were for moving while Alice, Emmett, and Esme were more than reluctant about leaving their comfortable abode. Alice fought louder and harder than I had ever seen, even scaring Jasper. It was then that Carlisle shushed us, we all awaited what would end up to be his decision.

"I'm sorry but I will have to agree with Esme" he said gently, much to my dismay. "We have finally found a place where we can all live comfortably among human civilization and as far as I have seen Edward, you haven't managed to kill anyone. If anything were to happen, Alice would let us know, wouldn't you Alice?", he continued as we all watched her bob her head enthusiastically.

"Then really, there is nothing further to discuss." And with that, he took a hold of Esme's hand and retreated back to their room.

Before I could follow suit, Jasper and Emmett had grabbed my arms and pulled me with them. "What are you two doing??" I demanded, already frustrated more than necessary.

"Edward, your eyes are pitch-black. You need to feed. We are going hunting for this whole week until you can not fit a drop more of blood in your body." Jasper calmly explained, sending a wave of ease through my body.

I hadn't even realized. For some reason this depression I had been facing kept me from eating at all. I had relented quickly and let them drag me towards the mountains.

/

The week had passed by and just as Jasper had promised, I was filled with blood to the point of being bloated. When I had come back home, I went straight to my room to sulk and listen to music.

I wasn't in the mood for classical at this moment, I needed something a little rougher. I put on a mix disc I had created recently and let the sounds drown out everything else.

It didn't help. Even music didn't offer salvation for the pain this time, if not at least intensified. While OneRepublic's _Stop And Stare_ blared through my stereo, all my thoughts focused centered around one being. I couldn't even call _her_ a being, more like an angel. Her smile ran through my mind, it was like a new high I could not get enough of. And then I remember the sound of her tears, and the look on her face when I told her I didn't know why I saved her. I wanted to hit myself.

Snow Patrol started playing. I was getting lost in an array of mixed messages my brain was sending me, influenced by the lyrics.

"_Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth  
No you don't know what happened  
And you never will if you don't listen to me while I talk to the wall  
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall  
Where you've had me for hours, 'till I'm sure what I want  
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before  
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop, no way"  
_

I had made up my mind. _I couldn't avoid her anymore_. I was going to lay all my cards down and let her be the one to make the decision. It couldn't be any other way.  
Alice had probably seen my decision by now since within less than a second of my thought she was in my room.

"She's in Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela, go find her!" she exclaimed, and instead of replying I went straight to my Volvo, revved the engine, and went.

/

Halfway there to Port Angeles, I began to let my mind wander from the task at hand. _What was she doing with Jessica?? That girl had nothing but animosity towards Bella except to attain some of the popularity she was getting. Angela I could understand sine she was relatively innocent for the crowd she spent time with, but Jessica? Only trouble could come from that._

I gripped the steering wheel tighter and hit 180. It was already becoming night and I needed to hurry.

10 minutes later I had began driving down the streets looking for a familiar thought or one of their faces in someone else's thoughts.

_I can't believe that's what Mike did! Of all things, why did he go to Bella?? Well anyways, he was drunk so he didn't really mean it. No wonder she had been acting the way she had. Maybe now I can get her to get Edward Cullen to talk to me._

It was Jessica's thoughts I had found. The three of them were walking down the paved pathway close to the shoreline. Angela and Jessica were holding loaded shopping bags, while Bella carried a small Borders bag. Just seeing her again made my dead heart feel like beating. She was wearing a simple navy button up with grey jeans and and a cream cardigan. I couldn't help but notice how even more luscious her skin looked against the deep color. _Not the time to think about that, _I chastised, driving slowly far behind.

_I hope Jessica isn't taking us where I think she is. Bella really doesn't need to be anywhere alcohol after what she had just went through. _

No! I clenched my jaw tightly.

They had stopped suddenly. "Here we are! My friend got me drink tickets for this place, it's really nice! Don't worry Bella, you don't have to do much if you don't want to. Please?" her voice screeching to a pitch painful for my ears as Bella blanched at the sign of Club Noir, where they had stopped in front of. Bella pleaded to not, but at the end relented as I had with Jasper and Emmett.

I watched the minds of the people in the club like a hawk, making sure a single person wasn't even attempting to get towards Bella. I was pleased but a little perplexed to see her in many guy's mind sitting on a high table in a corner with Angela, both sober and declining politely everyone asking her to dance.

It was then that I noticed Bella had left the club and began walking down a street. _What was she doing? Does she have any feeling of self-preservation at all?? It's 10 pm on a saturday night, and she's walking all by herself on a city street. _I followed behind.

_Look at that piece of ass. I'm going to get some of that tonight. I can see the boys are thinking what I'm thinking. Let's get her. _The thoughts of a group of drunk men down the corner, made me let out a loud growl.

They had started calling at her and she started running. I shifted gears and sped down the street. I could see the images in their mind of what they planned to do to her and I very nearly got out of the car and took them down myself. Instead I drove straight into them, unfortunately giving them enough time to get out of the way.

I opened the passenger door and almost shouted. "Get in." She looked more than surprised but rushed in. Her smell overtook me once again, but this time I was too angry at the filthy excuses for men running on the street to think much about it. I put my my thumb and index finger across the bridge of my nose and clenched, hoping the need to kill those guys would stop.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly and I almost laughed. _She very nearly got raped and she's asking __**me**__ if I'm okay? She is truly unbelievable._

"I'm fine, just give me a moment." I said shortly, waiting for the idea of them to leave my head.

It was then that I reailzed, she wasn't freaking out at all. She had just almost got raped and not a single tear. What was that? All the questions came in a flurry. _Was she hungry? Would she pass out? What do I do?_

As if Bella had the ability to read my mind, she asked timidly "Do you mind if you can drop me off at some fast food joint? I'm starving."

"No, I'll take you to a restaurant. I think we need to talk anyways." I replied as I drove to the little Italian place everyone in Forks describes as genuine Italian food. _Bella said she liked that right?_

We pulled up to the restaurant and I led her in. Speaking quiety, I got the waitress to give us a private table by the empty round booths in the corner.

I sat down and she took the seat across from me. She waited patiently for me to speak while I waited impatiently for her to burst into tears.

"I'm waiting for you to burst into shock." I murmured quietly, curious beyond reason. She just scoffed. Frustrated still, I pushed the basket of breadsticks in front of her, pleading her with my eyes.

She looked straight back before taking one and chewing on it.

This silence was getting uncomfortable. I wanted to know what she was thinking and I was **going** to get a reaction out of her, something that told me she was still conscious whatsoever.

"You know...the color blue looks lovely with your skin." I blurted. _What the hell? Of all things to say, you're just going to make her more uncomfortable!_

But once again, she did what I didn't expect: she flushed a light crimson. The happy flush soon became angry when she decided she was as tired with the silence as I was.

"So what did you want to talk about Edward?", her voice sounding strangled as I could see the real damage I had done.

It was now or never, and I was going to pick now.

"Bella, it's time I came clean with you. I'll understand if you never want to talk to me or see me, but I need for you to know. I keep hurting both of us by not telling you everything and as hard as I tried to avoid it, I see now there is no other way. I'm going to tell you everything that you've wanted to know, but I wouldn't give you the chance to ask.", I was rushing, but I needed to get this over with. If I could sweat, I would've been drowning by now.

"I'm a vampire Bella."

**HAHA, please dont be mad about the cliffhanger, it's how the story goes!  
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	11. Destroy Everything You Touch

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On with the chapter!**

Chapter 11- Destroy Everything You Touch

(BPOV)

"Bella, I'm a vampire."

The words kept ringing in my head. I fought back the urge to snort and say I'm a zombie. _Is that the excuse he gives to every girl he treats badly?_ But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. His extreme movements, his family's abnormal perfection, the way he said everything over cautiously as if in fear of saying too much. _The cold ones!_ It clicked. That's who I was thinking about when Sam told the story at the bonfire. The description fit him exactly. _Except for the whole killer part..._

"Bella...Bella? It is extremely disconcerting how I just can't tell what you're thinking right now." his velvety voice tinged with desperation. I smirked. Time for payback.

"Hmmm..I see", I stated simply, letting my back relax against the chair. His face contorted with frustration. "What exactly do you see?" he seethed, looking ready to snap the table in half.

I was about to answer when a waitress came to our table for orders. She was very pretty, tall with wavy strawberry-blonde hair and a charming smile. She ignored me entirely and started towards Edward.

"Hi, my name's Amber and I'll be your server tonight? What can I get you two?" she asked, still looking directly at Edward. _At least she acknowledge there were two people on this table._

"Nothing for me. Bella?", he stated before giving me a chance to order. _Of course he doesn't need to eat. Now it all makes sense._

"I'll have...the mushroom ravioli." I decided before handing her the menus back and watching her give Edward a flirtatious smile before going into the kitchen. He didn't even look at her once.

"Do you always take shocking things this calmly. It's quite unnerving." Edward said quietly, putting his hands onto the table.

"What can I say? I have an amazing talent to supress my emotions" I shrugged, earning a chuckle from him. I felt quite rewarded.

The rest of the dinner I asked him what I had been meaning learn about him since he had been qeustioning me repeatedly. I saved the vampire questions until last, because I felt a victorious sensation of learning what he had been hiding from me. I could actually trust him now!

He looked perplexed as I asked the simple questions, what his parents did, what was his family like, what things he enjoyed to do, and so on. By the time my voice had gotten exhausted from asking so many questions, the restaurant had been starting to close. _I guess I just lost sense of time. But I still have so many questions to ask! I'll just have him take me home. _That reminded me. I should let Jessica and Angela know I have a way home.

I took out my cell phone and texted them that I have a ride. Edward looked on, curious at what I was doing.

"Sorry, if I got on your nerves.." I said shyly, hoping I hadn't upset him.

He simply laughed it off. "No, it was expected. And I believe I am taking you home so you can continue to interrogate me?" he said, causing me to laugh too.

He paid the check and took me to his car, not even paying attention to the hungry looks any of the waitresses had thrown at him.

This was too good to be true.

The second we got in his car, the real questions began.

"So where were you this whole week?" I asked a little too casually, _maybe he couldn't hear how fast my heart is beating?_

The way he looked at me told me otherwise.

"Two reasons. First, I needed to hunt heavily because of the hunger I had developed from being around you so much. Second, I felt too much shame after saying what I had said to you." his eyes showing more anguish with each word.

"You do know that now I understand, right? Don't worry, I forgive you." I said gently, wanting to touch him, but knowing I couldn't.

"You forgive people too easily. I have to know, why did you accept what I told you as the truth so easily? I saw at first you wanted to laugh." he said perceptibly, trying to grab my reaction.

I blushed and looked down. "It's kind of embaressing, but when I went to La Push a while ago, one of the Quilete s told us a story of "The Cold Ones". I couldn't understand why the story reminded me of someone, but when you said it, the whole thing fell together." I explained, _please don't let him think I'm crazy._

"Very perceptive.." he murmured, gripping his steering wheel tightly, getting on the highway. It was then I noticed two things. One, I knew the song that was playing in his car. Two, he was driving at over 120 mph.

I sucked in a deep breath of air, trying to stop the panic attack ready to jump me at any second.

He took my need for air as me being done with my questions.

"Aren't you going to ask me the most important question?" he sneered, and I about entirely forgot that I was in the middle of having a panic attack. His tone of voice only sounded harsher in that beautiful voice of his.

"My diet?" he continued, giving me a piercing glance, as if expecting me to break at any moment.

"Oh." I really hadn't thought about that. Honestly, I almost didn't care. But then I remembered, the Quilete guy, Sam, had talked about that too.

"You only feed on animals right?" I asked.

He did a double take before I let him know of what Sam had said.

"They have a very good memory, those Quiletes." he stated, running a hand through his already perfectly tousled bronze hair.

"Why did you hate me when you first saw me? And don't tell me you didn't, I saw the way you glared at me." It was the one question I wanted to know since I had met him.

He looked pained at first but then decided to explain. "Bella, although I don't feed off of humans, their blood still appeals to me. Over the years, I have managed to resist the need for human blood, but the second I smelled _your _blood, it was like I was a thirsty newborn with no control. You don't understand how easily I could destroy you with a single touch. All I could think about was how bad I wanted to kill you. I don't know how but overtime I've managed to fight the urge. Doesn't mean it's not there, but I can keep the need down." he rushed, putting his head down a little shamefully.

It was then that we reached my house.

We got out and he walked me to my door. "Edward, I'm really glad you told me about this. I really can feel like I can trust you now. I just can't see you "destroying me". It's really strange." I blabbered, hoping he wasn't getting as annoyed with me as I was.

A new look came into his eyes, something softer.

"Anyways what I wanted to say was, I think we're definitely working our way into being friends" I concluded, a big smile on my face.

He smiled as I began but as I finished, his face turned into shock. "F-Friends?", he asked incredulously.

_He's flustered! How cute. He probably didn't think I'd want to be friends with him. I'm surprised he's even stayed talking with me this long._

"Yeah! I can be the Jimmy Olsen to your Superman, now that I know your secret. It'll be really cool!" I exclaimed, my grin getting wider.

"Anyways, I'm getting tired. Later, Edward!" I said before opening the door and letting myself in.

He muttered something about Lois Lane and stalked off back into his Volvo.

_Is it weird that I'm excited about having a gorgeous vampire as my only friend?_

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	12. I've Just Seen A Face

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Chapter 12- I've Just Seen A Face

It was tied. I couldn't choose whether I was shocked, amused, or angry. _You'd think if you told someone your most important secret they'd figure out you were someone incredibly important to them._

I shook my head as I drove back home. _Of course she feel anything for you, you're not even human. _I knew I shouldn't, but I felt pain because of that anyways. I couldn't even understand it. _It's not like I- NO. Don't even go there. _I pressed the brakes, already in front of the house.

I took a couple minutes to myself putting my fist to my mouth, trying to understand what was going on with me. _I wish I could get into her head. _It felt like no matter how many questions I asked, I was never getting the whole story. She was just such a _mystery_ to me. A mystery I was dying to solve.

I was decided. I got out of my Volvo, and ran directly to the Swan house and into the tree by it. She left the window to her room open. _She's just asking for the monsters to go into her bedrooms, isn't she?_ I took a swift lithe jump into her room, obviously not making a single sound.

There she was. The beauty, _no_, the angel was in her bed, moonlight covering her silhouette like a blanket. The light made her pale skin glow with a pearly sheen. Her silky chestnut hair spilled over her pillow, begging for me to run my fingers through it. Her soft eyelids hid the warm chocolate I craved to get lost in, but gave me a nice view of the thick fan of eyelashes she had. _Truly_, one of a kind, this one was.

But what caught me most was her lips. In the moonlight, they had the color of soft cotton candy, but they were pursed together, as if she had just swallowed something rotten. In fact her whole body was wound tightly, not looking relaxed at all.

Her brows furrowed together and she started to shift. "Aghh", she groaned painfully, her arms grabbing the pillow as if it was her only lifeline. _I never thought I'd see the day I'd find myself jealous of a pillow._

"Why...Astaire, don't leave me. I need you." she continued to breathe out, small tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. I looked at her, my eyes flashing thunderously. _Someone would __**willingly**_leave her!? _I would kill to just be able to hold her, let alone have her. The selfish bastard._

"Why can't you love me? Nobody can ever love me.." she moaned out, the tears streaming at this point. I looked on, painfully. _How could someone make her think that? _This angel had been emotionally abused beyond a breaking point. _If she were mine, I'd never let her feel pain again._ My body ached to comfort her, let her know I loved her beyond words.

_WAIT! PAUSE. REWIND. You __**LOVE**_ her?! I knew in the end though, that was how I really felt. I couldn't hide or change it any longer. Within less than two months, she had changed my life drastically. The fact that her blood sang to me, its notes sweeter than any song I had ever heard, and still could be around her proved my point. I smiled to myself. I was irrevocably in love with Isabella Swan, and nothing could change that now.

She had finally quieted down, tear tracks beginning to dry from her face. I couldn't resist this tempation. I glided over to her, brought my head down to her head. My nose skimmed the enticing aroma of her hair and I pressed my lips softly against it. _It was just as soft as it looked._

I left the room, a triumphant feeling taking over my body. I had managed to leave, not hurting her whatsoever. I could not wait for the day to begin, to see her face that morning.

/

"Hurry up!" I growled loudly into the house. Rosalie and Alice grumbled, not being allowed to take the time they usually had to get ready , while Jasper and Emmett looked amused, probably at the exasperation in my voice.

"Yeah you guys, Edward here needs as much to see his one true _luuuurve_" Emmett teased, and I snarled ferociously at him, earning a disapproving yet hopeful look from Esme. _I wish I could meet her_, Esme thought wistfully, and I truly did feel bad about it. But it would never be able to happen. It was just too dangerous.

"Calm down, Edward, she's not even going to be there until 7:30 anyways" Alice sighed, reaching downstairs, fully dressed and a bright smile on her face. "This is so great! I can't wait until she becomes one of us!!" she exclaimed gleefully, looking ready to bounce through the room.

"NO!" I shouted so loud, the entire house seemed ready to shake. I would not even entertain _that_ thought. _Her perfect innocent soul would never be damned, especially because a monster like me wanted her. _

_Stupid little twit of a human, _Rosalie's thoughts huffed menacingly, I just ignored her though. _It couldn't be helped if Rosalie was jealous she couldn't be human herself._

Finally, we had gotten into my car, and I all but raced to get there. It was absolutely exhilarating, this feeling of love. I felt filled with a spirit I never knew I had. My mood eventually spread into the rest of them, because Jasper was feeding off of it and spreading it through the car. Even Rosalie left the car smiling, staring adoringly at Emmett. I began to pace back and forth, waiting for that red truck to make its way into the parking lot. Just as I had gotten ready to run to her house and just go to her myself, I heard the noise that belonged to her truck.

_At last! I wonder if she'd ever let me buy her a new car. That truck is a running death trap._

I was ready to make my way over there, when I heard someone's thoughts next to the truck.

_Here's your chance Crowely. Beg Swan for forgiveness and then ask her to the spring dance. You have a good chance, just play it cool. Give her a little vulnerable and she'll suck it up easy._

Part of me wanted to throw Tyler across the parking lot, but part of me was also curious to her reaction. _Let Crowley be the test dummy._

I silently watched as he helped her out of her truck, throwing a string of compliments as he did. She looked so uncomfortable as he did so.

He obviously cut straight to the chase because he blurted out, "WillyougotothespringdancewithmeBella?" faster than I had ever seen him talk.

She blinked and then shifted her stance. _How I wish I could hear her thoughts, damnit._

She bit her lip again before saying, "That's really sweet of you Tyler, but I'm not going to the spring dance." I smirked, trying to hold in the peal of laughter inside of me. _Well at least she let him off nicely._

"Oh, that's alright. We always have prom." he ended, winking at her and then taking off for his class.

Her eyes widened slightly, and that gorgeous flush came climbing up her face, though I could not be sure if it was a happy or angry one. By the way she stalked towards the building, I figured it was angry.

I easily matched her pace, and whispered quietly "Boo." She jumped ten feet, her heart beating faster than ever.

"Don't ever do that!" she thundered, putting her hand on her chest and breathing deeply. I held back another chuckle.

"Sorry, I apologize", I saluted in mock seriousness. She teasingly huffed at me, and I released a huge smile. Once again my smile seemed to startle her, but she gave one right back. _It took all my control to not grab her right then._

She went off to her classes, and I went to mine, thinking about her the entire way.

/

After what had felt like forever to me, the bell had rung, and I had all but raced to the cafeteria, grabbing food onto the tray and claiming my spot in the empty corner table Bella and I now occupied.

Soon after, Bella had joined me with her usual apple and lemonade, _remind me to get her more food to eat. _In her bag's sidepocket was a copy of Taming Of The Shrew, another Shakespeare classic. I raised my eyebrow looking at the book, _what normal teenage girl gets caught reading Shakespeare for fun?_

"I don't really get why you get all that food, you know" she said quietly and I realized she was pointing at my tray, piled high with random food I had picked up. "It's for the image, you know" I muttered back, low enough only for her ears to hear. She nodded and picked up her book.

_If I let her start reading her book, I'll never get time to talk to her now. Think of something!_

"So how did you sleep last night?", I asked, jumping at the opportunity to hear everything from her side, _the conscious one that is_, side of the story.

She froze up immediately. "It was fine..." she murmured quietly, but the broken edge in her voice sounded quite the opposite.

I pressed on, "It certainly doesnt sound fine, what happened? Have a bad dream about someone?" I gently teased, hoping it would get her to loosen up.

She refused to meet my gaze and said, "I really don't want to talk about it.."

But I did! _I was doing a lot, not killing her! The least she can do is let me pick her brain for a minute._

She looked at me and as if catching my thoughts again, gave me an exasperated sigh. "Fine, okay! You trusted me with your secret, I'll tell you mine. You probably won't want to be seen with me afterwards though."

"Nothing will ever change my mind about you Bella." I said fiercly, desparate for her to know how much greater she was than what she thought of herself.

"In my freshman year of high school, I met a senior by the name of A-astaire and we instantly hit it off. Not many people approved because of our age difference, but for the first time I had felt like there was someone who wanted to take care of me, you know? With Charlie and Renee, it was always more about me being a parent to them, and with _him, _it was like being a kid." she explained, bitterness obvious in her usual sweet voice.

" Anyways, I couldn't have cared less what people thought. He made me feel free and I was really happy and thought I was in love the whole time we were together. I couldn't even believe someone like him would be with someone like me. He was so smart and so kind, and I was just well, me." she pointed to herself, _like as if I needed you to point to yourself to make me look at you. Blind creature._

"Well in the beginning of junior year, a little after my birthday, he had found out he got a full scholarship for this law program in a great school. I was so happy for him even though I knew I'd miss him for being so far away. But then he told me we couldn't see each other and that he never thought he was _in_ love with me. I mean why would he, he had so much better to live for. Why would he want to hold himself down to me?", her voice faltered at the end, the rage I held inside of me aching for release on this cold-hearted, wasteful excuse of a human being whom she spoke about.

"Well he left, and as soon as he did, I had become immediately shunned by the rest of the school, a complete 180. Apparently it was only because of him, people liked me to begin with. Once he left, they thought it was fair I be treated as the "freak that I am". After a while I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to leave. Renee was getting married and I saw my opportunity. Sorry I gave you the impression I was a lot more selfless than I actually am. I can understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore." she bowed he head down and let silent sobs rack her body.

Making a snap decision, I gently grabbed her face up by the chin with one hand and looked directly into her eyes, hoping she wouldn't see the monster behind mine. "Bella. Listen to me very carefully. I don't know who this guy is, but he was ABSOLUTELY wrong. He was beyond a fool for ever letting you out of his sight, and he didn't deserve what he had to begin with.." I stated strongly, wondering if she could see through me for what I really was, someone who did not deserve her either.

She flushed a deep red before sighing, "Thanks, Edward, but really you don't have to lie to me, you know. I'll handle myself."

I groaned absolutely frustrated. Why couldn't she just see herself properly?. Was her vision just that obscured? I was getting ready to punch something. I held the bridge of my nose again, hoping for the aching sensation to go away.

"Look Bella, what this guy did to you was absolutely inexcusable. But that gives you NO, and I repeat, NO, right to think of yourself so lowly. We'll talk about this later, I need to go." I threw away the contents of my tray before picking up my bag.

"Where are you going, we have Biology next" she questioned, puzzlement clear on her face.

"Haven't you heard? Ditching every now and then is healthy. Plus we're doing an experiment I don't think I'm that tame to handle. I'll talk to you later" I replied, giving her a small smile of mine, one that always ended up never becoming straight. I hated it.

Her blush became darker as I smiled and went inside, Newton glaring at me while following suit. He was going to use lunch as his chance to ask Bella to the spring dance.

_Not a chance Newton, not a chance._

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	13. Nocturnes

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Chapter 13 – Nocturnes

(BPOV)

I could hear his footsteps walk in the other direction before realizing the fierce burning in my eyes were the tears fighting to spill down my pale cheeks. I sighed and wiped them out of the way and headed into Mr. Banner's room. _How can someone so beautiful exist and then go out of his way to befriend me? He's either a cruel prankster or an angel. I'm gonna go with angel for now._ I shook my head and tried to pay attention to what Mr. Banner was saying.

"Today, we will be doing a lab on blood typing. Mr. Newton, come up here please." Mr. Banner droned, and I felt my face paling with every word he said. _Did he say bb-blood typing..Oh no..._

Mike walked stoically towards the front of the desk, and for the first time since the "beach incident", I felt myself pity him.

Mr. Banner continued to explain the process, while I began to feel the bubbling of uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. He then took Mike's finger and pricked it with a needle in his hand, until the blood came out. I could almost taste it from how close it was.

That was about all I could take. I felt myself swaying and I began rehearsing the Kurt Vonnegut lines I had known by heart, feeble attempts to stop the inevitable.

"Bella, are you alright? Mr. Banner, she's turning green. Let me take her to the nurse's office.", Mike volunteered, and as much as I wanted to protest furiously against his help, I had no voice in me to say so.

With that, he put my arm around his neck and shifted all of my weight on him. Dragging me along to the nurse's office, Mike decided he was going to take advantage of the little time we had alone.

"Bella, we need to talk. I've been wanting to tell you this for the longest time, how truly sorry I am. I know it's not an excuse, but I was completely wasted at that bonfire. My first time drinking actually. I know I don't deserve it, but please, is there any way in your heart that you could forgive me?" he begged, and soon I had noticed we had stopped moving.

"Mike...", I murmured, not really knowing what to say. I looked into his eyes, they were glassy. I was too hurt to really be able to trust him, but I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I just couldn't hold a grudge.

Things got dizzy again, and I felt my knees buckling undeneath me, trying somewhat to keep me stable.

"Woah there, Bella! Bella?" Mike called again, the panic in his voice obvious. He had no idea what to do.

"Here, let me take her to the nurse's office." I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was. Edward was right in front of us.

Mike was about to say something when I felt my body be picked up as easily as if I was a textbook into the hard and cold arms that belonged to Edward. Before Edward could move further though, I said quietly, "Just so you know Mike, I forgive you." I watched as his eyes lit up and I couldn't help but give a soft smile back.

Mike went back to Biology and Edward went straight for the nurse. I couldn't help but notice how his eyebrows furrowed together, deep in concentration while a hard frown was plastered on his beautiful mouth. _He looks so mad..I should find out what's wrong._

"Edward...are you okay?", I asked tenatively, hoping I hadn't managed to do something once again to screw up his control. _It was always my fault.._

"How...?", his voice came out strangled, and I had realized how his eyes carried an angry yet painful tone to them.

"How what?" I asked back, totally confused at what he wanted to know.

"How could you just forgive him like that? With all that he's done and all he has to do is talk to you for less than thirty seconds and you let him go without even a slap on the wrist." his voice came out clearer now, but his eyes weren't any less tormented.

"I don't really know myself. I just knew he meant it, and I couldn't hold him against it forever. I'm pretty good at forgiving if you hadn't noticed." I pointed out, and he cringed as if I had burned him. _Can't I do anything right??_

"I see." It was all he replied before entering the nurse's office and allowing them to give me an aspirin. I took the pills gratefully and allowed the migrane I had gotten from all the dizziness to fade.

"I thought you were ditching?" I suddenly asked, and the corners of his mouth finally twitched upward.

"I was.. I was listening to music in my car when I saw your face in Newton's mind." he said, looking at me carefullly, as if him talking about his powers would scare me.

"So blood makes your nauseous?" he mused, laughing a little under his breath. I could see what was funny. Here he was, staying away from blood so he wouldn't be tempted, and here I was , staying away from blood so I wouldn't be sickened. I had to laugh at that too.

"Yeah, I can smell it from a mile away.", wrinkling my nose at the smell memory it brought.

"Humans can't smell blood, Bella", he chuckled, shaking his head at the thought. That sobered me up.

"Well I can. It smells like a mix rust and salt to me.." I said defiantly, smug by the blatant shock on his face. He seemed to be thinking something over before grimacing heavily.

Before I could ask what had bothered him this time, he interrupted, "Do you want to go back to class?". His voice sounded too casual.

I still took the bait. "NO! Get me out of here! Immediately!" Panic flashed through my eyes, thinking of having to go back and actually...prick myself. I blanched promptly.

"Okay, pretend to be still be sick" he smirked, but then suddenly recomposed his face to be solemn. I heard the door knob turning and I had laid my body down against the table and closed my eyes.

"What happened to Ms. Swan, Edward?" the nurse asked, her voice breaking a little. _Probably having a hard time with his looks too_. I fought hard not to roll my eyes.

"She's feeling really queasy m'am. Is it alright if I take her home." his voice overdone with the compassion, still sounding like an angel.

"S-ssure. Would you like a pass as well?" she asked, obviously dazed by the sound of his voice too.

"Yes please." And with that I felt my body get lifted once again. Once we reached outside, I opened my eyes and tried to jump out of his arms. _If I spent any more time in them, I'd go crazy. _

His arms only tightened against my squirming. "Relax, you're still not feeling better." he reminded me and I stopped struggling.

He put me in the passenger seat and before I could reach for the belt, I was already buckled and he was in the driver's seat.

"I'm just going to have to get used to that." I muttered, and his looked at me sadly.

"You know, this friendship isn't healthy. I'm not good for you at all." he stated, but I just couldn't see the danger in his ocher colored eyes.

"You're not dangerous", I said back fiercely, hoping he could see the conviction I felt.

"You're wrong.." his voice was dark with self inflicted pain. I wish I knew what I could do to make him see.

He started the car and we stayed silent as he drove out of the parking lot.

A new song started playing, and I blurted out without realizing "From Debussy to Linkin Park?". He turned his face to me, eyebrows raised.

"You know Debussy?" the surprise in his voice, a little insulting. My chin raised just a little.

"Yeah, I like his compositions almost as much as I appreciate Chopin's. My mom used to play it in the house when I was a kid, and I picked up my favorites." I could hear the arrogant touch in my voice.

He paid no heed to it whatsoever. "What's your mom like?" he asked, another one of his quizzical shots.

I sighed, feeling the homesickness hitting me like a tidal wave. "Renee looks like me. Except prettier. She's eccentric and wild but carefree and always doing something new. She's my best friend.." I smiled ruefully. I really needed to call her soon.

"Just how old are you?" he asked teasingly and I felt myself reminiscing again.

"She always said I was born middle aged. I guess it was because I always felt the need to take care of my parents more than they needed to take care of me." I said, thinking about all the times I would be watching out for my mom's usually failed experiments.

Within minutes we had reached the front of my house, thanks to Edward's igorance of traffic laws. We sat in silence, listening to the music and taking everything in.

I decided to be the bold one. "Edward..," I started, and I got his attention immediately. "Does my blood bother you still?"

His eyes darkened a little with my question. "Very much so. You don't know how hard of a battle I fight with myself not to give in to temptations. Everyday though, it does seem to get better.." he continued, his tone a little lighter by the end, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked, silently hoping he would say yes. _Why do you want him around you so badly, Swan? Stop begging for hurt!_

Unexpectedly, he smiled and nodded. In the blink of an eye, he was at my side of the car and opened it gently. I got out and walked to the doorstep. "Shoot, I can't find my key.." I muttered, the red crawling up my neck for not being able to find something like my house key.

"Just use the spare under the rock." he stated, not aware at all of what he just said.

"How did you know that?" I asked suspiciously, knowing he had never passed by my house ever, not to mention I had never used it since arriving.

He just shrugged, not allowing me to know. I stuck out my tongue before getting the key and opening the door myself.

He sat relaxed on my kitchen chair and it was hard to stifle a gasp at how perfect he looked. _Why couldn't I look like a model sitting on that chair._

"So, you know next Saturday, there's that Spring Dance..", he started, but I interrupted him harshly.

"Are you serious?!", I screeched, and then watched confusedly as his mouth flipped into a smirk.

"I heard you weren't going so I was wondering if I could take you to Seattle." he ended watching me carefully once again.

"I'm not really going to Seattle though, I just made it up so people would stop asking me." I mumbled the last part, knowing exactly how vain it sounded.

"Oh really? Then what about if we did something else?", he smiled and I all but forgot how to breathe.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, my voice a little strangled from my lack of air.

It only caused his smile to grow wider. "Now that's a surprise. Do you want to?"

I nodded eagerly, excited for any chance I would have to get to spend time with him. _You're really just setting yourself up for misery, I hope you know that._

"One condtion though" I said, and he looked up expectantly.

"I get to drive.", I smiled, as I heard him audibly groan.

It was then that I remember. "Oh my God! I left my truck at the school parking lot!" I got up wildly, running for the door when Edward pulled me back.

"Don't worry about it. Alice will bring it back for you", he let me know gently, and my nerves calmed.

"Your dad's coming soon" he stated, probably able to hear from miles away. I nodded, though I really did not want him to leave.

"See you later", he said, and for a second I thought he might get close to hug me, but he only pet my cheek before disappearing. It always felt like he was recoiling from touching me fully. _You probably repulse him.._

Within a couple minutes, Charlie walked through the door, and I began dinner. Steak and potatoes, his favorite. We ate in silence and I went off quietly to my room.

I took a short shower and got ready for bed.

Turning on my stereo, I put my Chopin disc, allowing his Nocturnes to lull me to sleep. It was the first time I dreamt only of Edward. I was really scared.

**Once again! So sorry about the delay, but updates will pick up as soon as finals end :)  
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	14. I'm Yours

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Chapter 14 Pt.1 – Girl

(EPOV)

As soon as I had stepped out of Bella's house I had driven my Volvo a couple blocks down and waited patiently for Bella to fall asleep. I stealthily jumped into her room once again and watched fascinated, as her heart beat steadily and her breath was slow. Chopin was playing lightly in the background, and I smiled remembering how she had mentioned how she liked listening to them. I still had to hold my breath, but being there and watching over her was more than worth it.

She had once again started tossing and turning, and I watched anxiously for the new information I would learn about her. She always said interesting things that she never mentioned when we actually talked. Being the closest I could ever get to reading her mind, I sat in the rocking chair by her bed and waited.

She groaned and turned her face in my direction. I watched, entranced, as her lips parted and closed repeatedly. She was speaking but no words left that delicate mouth.

It was then that she said it. "Edward..", her voice was soft but clear, a small smile appearing on her face after saying my name. It shocked me so badly, I had let go of my breath. The second her sweet aroma went through my nostrils I scrambled. I nearly crashed through the window trying to get out of there. I went into my Volvo and sped at 140 until I reached home and into my room.

Alice was the first one at my side, reminding me repeatedly how nothing happened. _It didn't feel like nothing happened! I can still taste the smell on the back of my tongue!_ I was so close to losing control, I could have killed her! Jasper, looking at me in awe, sent a feeling of calm through the area, allowing me a little more clear-headedness to think.

Emmett barged in and was the first one to speak. "Aw! I was just about to beat Jasper in a wrestling match! What's the big idea here!?"

Jasper simply chuckled. "No you weren't. And nothing special happened. Edward just needed some support." I threw him a pained but grateful look, and he nodded back.

Emmett decided to accept the answer and left the room to find Rose, who more than likely was staring at herself in a mirror again.

"I'm a monster...", I groaned mostly to myself. I could not be anymore disgusted with myself than at that moment. I shouldnt have let her think she could trust me. How could I? I can't even watch her sleep without want to kill her.

"Nothing was going to happen regardless Edward. And don't worry, I'll always be here watching out for you through this. I'm here to support you" Alice said soothingly, trying to get me to snap out of this black abyss of depression I had jumped into. It was strange at times, when I really understood the connection I had with Alice. She was always the first one to support me.

"We are here to support you," continued Jasper, correcting Alice. "You love her." It wasn't a question. "Firstly, I do not even believe you could do anything ot her, considering the intensity of the emotions I felt before you even got home. Secondly, we won't let anything happen to either of you either way. She might as well be a part of the family."

The thought of Bella as part of my family had me split in two emtions. Part of me was downright giddy to think of her as the final piece to make this family whole. The other was horrified to even consider damning her to this awful life I led. Always having to fight the urge to murder hoardes of people, never being able to sleep, never being able to properly eat.

Before I realized it, Jasper and Alice had me up on my feet and were pulling me towards the forest. "You need to fill up before your date, Edward darling" Jasper called teasingly and I suddenly found myself running faster than ever before. _You're going to be strong. For her. Let's hope for some herds of mountain lions tonight._

Saturday had approached too slowly for me and my feelings of anxiety was close to driving Jasper up a wall.

"CALM DOWN!" he finally shouted, while him and Emmett were in the living room engrossed in an old 80's television program running.

I grimaced and looked once again at my clock. I originally planned on being half an hour early but Alice had somehow persuaded me to be just on time. _That doesn't seem good enough._

I dressed in jeans and a cotton white v-neck tee-shirt. I personally thought I looked a litte ridiculously underdressed but Alice had once again convinced me that Bella would love it.

Rosalie looked ready to kill with the glares she kept sending in my room's direction, but Emmett looked simply amused at the whole situation. _Make sure she doesn't trip...too badly_, Emmett thought, which caused me to chuckle lowly.

I looked at my watch again. I had 8 minutes until I was supposed to pick her up. _Screw it._

Deciding, I really did not have the patience for waiting, I ran straight to Bella's front door and knocked on it. _Shouldn't you have flowers or something? Great, now you're too early. She's going to get mad!_ My mind clearly enjoyed verbally abusing me while under pressure.

As I continued the raging battle in my head, I heard a soft click of the door and realized she had opened it. I had to hold my breath as I looked her up and down. I chuckled.

Her face became immediately self-conscious, and began picking at everything she was wearing. _Why does she waste her time? Doesn't she realize her own beauty?_

"We match" I simply said and within a couple seconds of realizing she burst out laughing. It was a beautiful sound. _It's the only sound I ever want to hear._

I decided that if I was ever going to learn control, I would have to learn how to handle her smell. So I stopped the hold I had on my breathing and allowed her smell to wafer into my dead lungs. It left my mouth dry but I managed to stay relatively in control.

I wanted her so bad it made me sorry, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to regret it.

I'll just be there for her. For all of eternity.

Chapter 14 Pt.2 – Hide Away

(BPOV)

I once again couldn't help but feel a little regretful at my sense of clothing. Edward was right, we were both wearing straightlegs with a vneck, but he always came out looking like he just walked off a Gucci runway, while I looked well, like me. _No one asked you to pick __**that**__ as your only friend._

It was hard to tear my gaze away from the peek the vneck shirt gave of the contours of Edward's chest. The shirt clung just tightly enough to give a faint outline of the lean muscles he had. I looked on a little more painfully as he walked to my truck. I realized he had a similar face as mine as he looked my way and it didn't take me long to figure out why.

"Sorry buddy, we made a deal" I sang smugly as he continued to grumble under his breath while I climbed into the driver's seat and let him in.

"I already feel nervous about this" he said half-teasingly, and I shot him a dirty look.

He gave me the directions but I found it particularly hard to concentrate with the way I could feel his hard gaze on my face. Not feeling competent enough to strike a conversation, I put the radio until I found a song I liked.

The song allowed us to be comfortably silent and I allowed myself to hum along to the sweet melody. We passed the town limits and within no time we reached the destination...a dead end of a forest.

"We'll be hiking for the rest of the trip.", he informed me, while all the blood left my face. _HIKING!?_ _I can't walk in front of him, let alone hike!_

I weakly got out of my truck and waited for further instructions, contemplating whether I should fake a sprained ankle ten steps into the hike or not.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, we have plenty of time!", Edward called out to me, as if that would make me feel so much better.

"You know, I have seen you run by yourself. You're actually quite graceful. Why does this bother you so much?", he asked, rushing his words again. _He saw me running?! Gah, I'm done with that now._

"You just said the answer,". Whe he continued looking confused, I continued, "I'm only graceful when I'm by myself. Other people make me feel incredibly self conscious. I can't do anything properly knowing people are around and are watching. And hiking with you especially makes it difficult, since well, it's you."

Before he could question me further on what I meant, I quickly added, "So where are we going anyways. I don't like surprises." I pouted a little excessively, praying it would be just enough of a distraction.

He didn't seem to buy it and laughed. _It puts my favorite set of chimes to shame_. "Just a place I like to go when the weather is nice.", he said mysteriously and continued to lead me through the fields.

"Yeah, Charlie said the weather would be great today.". The air was not dry enough for my taste but still, it was _warm_, muggy in comparison to the usual cold.

"Does Charlie know you're with me?", he asked a little too casually.

"Nope", I replied in the same tone, creating a popping sound at the "p".

"So no one knows you're with me??" he continued, his voice picking up with each word.

"I assume you told Alice about our plans" I retorted, watching his face change into several angry emotions, with amusement.

It was then that he stopped. "Aren't you worried in the least that you just might not come home!?" he spat out, his tone overly sarcastic and too bitter on his velvety voice.

I looked him straight in the eye. "I trust you" , I breathed warmly and continued on, biting back the shudder wanting to shake my body.

Walking fairly steadily in silence, Edward seething ahead of me, I allowed my thought to wander to times of nature walks like this in Arizona with Astaire. It was a little over a year I had moved there from Riverside and Astaire he took me to a rose garden behind the park. It was our place, so he had said, where we could get a perfect view of the clear night sky and catch fireflies in jars. Thinking about it made my heart hurt, but not as badly as it used to. _Edward's been making all the difference. Just by looking at me, he makes all the pain go away. I could never stop being grateful. Just how could someone so perfect, be meant to be my friend? I don't even deserve that much. Hell, I wouldn't even mind taking the glares I got the first day._

As if seeing himself in my thoughts he turned around and I gave him a soft smile. All the anger on his face seemed to melt away and we walked at equal pace.

Soon, I was able to see the glow of sun rays and a lighter color in the shrubbery surrounding us. I picked up my pace eagerly and gasped at the sight.

In front of me in the pool of light was the most beautiful meadow I had ever seen. It was small and round, covered in a field of wildflowers of all color. There was a light dew on the soft grass, and the buttery sunshine allowed it to glisten like crystals. In the distance, I could hear the light sound of water rushing in a stream. The scenery was just so peaceful.

And with that I ran straight into the light.

Chapter 14 Pt.3 – I'm Yours

(EPOV)

I watched from the dense canopy as Bella started running like I had seen her that one morning into the meadow. It pleased me greatly how much she obviously loved the meadow. It was very beautiful, but not even close in comparison to Bella. With childlike grace, she twirled in the field, taking in the warmth of the sunshine. The sight of her was enough to confirm my belief in angels.

The rays caught in her hair, giving it mahogany highlights, as it tumbled softly against her back. Her pale arms were stretched out as she twirled and her eyelids were closed. After a few seconds she opened her deep chocolate eyes and gave me the most breathtaking smile I had ever seen out of her. She raised one hand towards me and motioned with her index finger to join her.

I had to admit, I was quite reluctant to do so. I don't really know what I was thinking when I decided to show her how I looked like in the sun. _Oh please, you never know what you're thinking when you're around her._ She smiled more encouagingly and took a step toward me.

I stopped her from getting any closer and took a deep breath. _It's now or never_. I stepped out into the sun.

I watched carefully, as it took a few seconds for her to register my form in sunlight. Her eyes traveled from my face to my arms, the pale alabaster skin shining and sparkling like the facets of diamonds. _It was so abnormal. Just like you._

I laid my body in the grass, and Bella curled herself into a ball not so far away from me. It was then that I realized. _I had been breathing the entire time. The longer I spend time with her, the less the smell gets to me._

I felt ecstatic. I could control myself around her! I let myself close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to hold Bella without attempting to suck her body void of blood. It seemed human. _She makes you feel human though._

I began to sing a soft melody I had came up with, thinking of Bella in my mind. I didn't feel the need to be careful of how fast I was going.

"Edward.." Bella's sweet voice timidly started, "what are you doing?"

"Singing" I said simply, allowing myself to revel in the moment.

"Can I hear?" she asked eagerly, her tone making me chuckle. I did owe her, after all the times I had listened into her singing.

_"So I won't hesitate no more, no more  
It can not wait, I'm sure  
There's no need to complicate our time,  
It's sure this is our fate, I'm yours  
Do you want to come scoot over closer dear,  
And I'll whisper in your ear"_

I opened my eyes and looked into hers. They looked wistfully on, but a sweet smile was on her face when she looked at me.

"That was a beautiful song! Who wrote it?", she asked, and I had to chuckle. For someone so perceptive, she sure missed the things that were so obvious in front of her.

"I wrote it for you." I blurted, and felt like hitting myself after saying it. _She's not supposed to know that! _

"You..what?", she asked confusedly, but she knew exactly what I had said.

"I wrote it for you. Because that's how I feel about you"

I watched her face anxiously, waiting for a response. I knew it was futile, but part of me hoped for a return of feelings. _You idiot! Do you really want her to waste her time on a monster, who can't give her a single thing a human can?_

I wasn't expecting the reaction I got however. Tears started to form in her eyes, and before I could add some comforting words at all, she put her hand out.

"Edward you don't know what you're saying. You don't have those feelings for me." she said, a sad smile reaching her lips but not her eyes. The way she sounded so sure of that, sparked something in me.

"What are you talking about? I know exactly what I'm saying!", I said angrily. Of all things, why would she question _the fact_ that I had those feelings. I could understand if she didn't feel that way back, but how could she think I was making up that she was my world?

She got up and I joined her. She walked up slowly to me, close enough to have her breath swirl in my face. It was enough to block all my coherent thoughts.

"You can't"

And with that she started walking her way out of the meadow.

**Finally! I am so sorry about the looooong time it took to go to finish this.  
I was writing this chapter with whatever free time I had this past week.  
Would it be too much if I asked to get at least 100 reviews before I hit chapter 15?  
I hope not!  
Please Review! Much love to you all!**


	15. Criminal

**Hey everyone!  
****Once again, I'm amazed at the response I keep getting for this story!  
****Sorry about the whole "need for 100 reviews" thing.  
****It was more for my deflated ego than anything else  
****The fact that anyone reads this, let alone waits for each chapter, makes me extremely happy  
****And onto even better news. SCHOOL'S OVER! So you can expect a lot quicker updates  
****And beat me mercilessly if I don't!**

**Onto the next chapter (:  
**Chapter 15 – Criminal  
(BPOV)

My knees were dangerously close to buckling underneath me, but I knew I had to keep going. I couldn't face Edward for the life of me. I needed to get out of there and fast._ He can't have feelings for you! He's too perfect. You're not worth him. Especially with you brooding over someone who dumped you. Save him! _I started moving faster.

_Damn his vampiric speed_. Before I could even get a step further he was in front of me, eyes blazing and lips pursed so tightly, they resembled a line.

"What do you mean I _can't_ care for you?", he demanded, his tall figure looming over me dangerously.

I kept my eyes to the ground, refusing to meet his gaze. I knew the second I looked into his topaz eyes, I'd lose all the resolve I had built up. "L-L-look Edward, I get it. You've been feeling sorry for me so you decided to befriend me. But this has gone far enough! I'm going to hurt myself further, by continuing this show. Maybe we should just stop talking altogether." The words sounded foreign coming from my lips, but I had to do it. He'd forget about me and move on with someone who could provide him with everything I couldn't.

I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the impact of his angry yells or something of the sort. But I was met with silence. I looked up. Patches of sun reflected in his eyes, making them look lighter, but even that could not hide the pain his eyes held. My heart broke.

"I see." His voice was disturbingly calm. His face was recomposed but so terribly hard. Before I knew it, he had lifted me carefully and was running at full speed. I couldn't find the voice to scream. All I could think about was the fact he was touching me. We had been so hesitant, so careful with each other. It felt _right_ to be in his arms. He set me gently down in front of my truck and then disappeared.

I choked back the harsh sobs that fought to rack my body, and stumbled to my truck. It even smelled like him. I inhaled the intoxicating aroma and let the tears flow down.

I couldn't believe myself. What had I done? I was trying to protect him, and I only hurt him. He was just so... _delicate_. I laughed darkly at the thought. He was everything but delicate, but I knew deep inside he just wanted acceptance...and I denied him of it.

"DAMMIT!", I screamed, punching the dashboard. If possible, I hated myself even more.

* * *

The week passed by, daunting and slow. I wanted to cry out, _Please ANYONE! Take me out of my misery! This pain is too much. _But I didn't. Because I deserved the punishment I was receiving. It wasn't the fact that classes were boring as usual. It wasn't the fact that even though it was a Friday, I had no plans. It wasn't the fact that Jessica and I weren't on speaking terms again. It was that for the third time, I had been the reason Edward wasn't coming to school.

It was driving me crazy. I wanted more than anything to see him. To be near him, go down on my knees and tell him how much I repulse myself for what I said. But I couldn't. How it had hurt.

I was walking out of P.E., ignoring the sting of the light scrapes covering my legs. I was grateful there was no blood. It was just the pain I wanted.

I gingerly walked to my car when I noticed a cherry red convertible parked to the right of it. Mine paled awfully in comparison. It gleamed even without sunlight, the shiny BMW logo glimmering like a diamond. None of that really mattered to me because to the side of the car, were the Cullens.

Alice and Jasper were walking to the car in the back, hand in hand, more than ever the picture of perfection. The y both looked at me sympathetically, but still not saying a word to me. Rosalie, a figure even Aphrodite would envy, stalked off in the front, Emmett trailing uncomfortably behind. She only stopped once she was by her trunk to give me the dirtiest look I thought her beautiful face could muster. The shame and self-loathing rushed into me head on. I put my head down, and hoped for the misery to end. _But that would be too easy_.

I could hear the snarl of Rosalie's voice, and I looked up to see Rosalie and Jasper arguing amongst themselves silently. It was then that Jasper made his way up to me, Alice gliding behind.

I was surprised at first, remembering Edward telling me Jasper had a particularly hard time being around humans, but here he was in front of me. I looked up and all I could see were his eyes. The topaz instantly reminded me of Edward and I got lost in them.

Jasper's voice unfortunately took me out of that reverie. "You love him too", his voice was calm like he was expecting this. I however, was shocked. _What is he talking about!? I've been in a slump over Astaire! What I feel with Edward is different than what I felt with Astaire._

My thoughts decided to fight with me._ Different as in better! What you felt for Astaire was an infatuation. What you feel for Edward is __**love**_. My thoughts won. It was irresponsible and frightening, but unconsciously I had fallen for Edward Cullen. The vampire that wanted my blood more than me.

Jasper could feel my acceptance over the matter and continued. "Bella, Edward thinks you didn't want him to have those feelings for you because of what we are. He even told us not to talk to you so that we don't scare you."

Before I could completely register that Rosalie interjected angrily, "Edward thinks you're too good for him! But it's the other way around. How could you treat him so cruelly?"

I sharply sucked in a breath, taking this all in. I had made a bigger mess than I thought I had. I turned and went straight for the truck, doing anything to avoid looking at the hatred in her face that I knew I was owed.

"ROSALIE!", I could hear Jasper and Alice growl at the same time, but it didn't matter. She was right, I was the queen bitch. And I had just royally screwed up with mine **and** Edward's heart.

* * *

It was reaching near five when I had gotten off my bed from crying. I just couldn't stop. I could see Edward's face over and over again, his voice dripped in pain, his eyes ten times darker than usual. It was killing me.

Rain began tapping my window and I watched gloomily as the grey skies hovered the town. It just drove me into another round of hysterics.

That's when I decided I had to get out of here. Even though I was wearing my white eyelet skirt and thin navy sweater with this terrible rain, I didn't change and ran for the car. It wouldn't matter what time I got home since Charlie was spending the night at La Push, camping with Billy Black and his son.

The rain was pouring much like my eyes while I was driving. I didn't even know where I was going, I was just trying to escape my own pain. When I had finally stopped, I realized I was at the place Edward had taken me last week. For a minute I really hoped it was as peaceful as the last time I had seen it. I need peace desperately.

I clawed my way to the meadow, stumbling through heavy rain, and mud splotching my skirt. I had ran to the meadow, only to find it even worse than everywhere else. The stream was now a harshly overflowing and the openness of the field allowed rain to soak through the ground.

It didn't even resemble the beauty Edward had shown me. _It was because Edward had shown it to you. You were just too stupid to realize what was happening._

Trying to move through the soaked grass, I tripped on a hidden root and fell straight into the wet grass. I had no strength to pick myself up. I just cried my eyes out and let the cold take me over. I could have cared less if I had died. I was worthless.

After what had felt like hours, I was shivering to the bone. I was thoroughly soaked, not a single bit of me dry. I laid face down, curled up into a ball, but no heat was forming. I could feel my eyelids drooping, but I fought to keep them open.

It was then that I heard it. "Bella?", the velvet voice called out to me.

I didn't know whether it was hallucinations from the delirium or not, but suddenly I was turned face up, Edward cradling my cold body, his face contorted in fear and anger.

"Bella! You're completely drenched! You could have hypothermia right now! What were you thinking?!" he demanded, but all I could understand was him holding me and the unexpected warmth it was giving me.

"I deserved it. I needed to be punished.", I murmured, mostly to myself.

He started breathing harshly. "What. Are. You. Talking. About?", he said, pausing between each word for a breath.

I didn't know how to answer him.

He misinterpreted my silence and continued "Bella, I am so sorry. This is all my fault.." he kept rambling and I finally had made all the sense in my head.

Fully awake now, I jumped onto my feet and looked directly at him. " You stupid vampire. I didn't tell you to not care for me because I didn't _want _you. I told you to stop caring for me, because I'm not worth it. You have so much for yourself, how could I let you hold on to someone so idiotic like me? How could you possibly think I hated you? I'm in love with you!" I cried, hoping something out of my rush of words were making sense.

Edward went up to me, placing his marble hands on each side of my face, securing it so I would stare into his dark eyes. _Like I would stare anywhere else_.

"Don't let me ever hear you say things like that about yourself. You are perfect in every form and sense, I would kill anyone who told you otherwise. You also have it the other way around. It is I who is not worth it. And lastly, you are my life. Don't ever doubt it." He used his thumbs to wipe away the mix of rain and tears from my face, moving slightly down to touch my lips.

"So blue.." he murmured. Without warning, he leaned in and softly pressed his cold lips against mine. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. The gentle pressure drove me crazy and I ended up kissing him back harder than I thought possible, wounding my hands in his silky wet hair and pressing myself closer to him.

He stiffened, and I realized how much I had overreacted.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, and I could feel the heat of my blush coming up to my cheeks.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them. They were back to light gold.

He grinned humorously before saying, "At least it got all the warmth to your face."

I smiled at him, and he picked me up, much softer this time, and took me to my truck. I knew at that moment I was in for the wildest ride of my life.

**Hooray! They get together at last!  
****You guys must listen to the chapter title's song by Fiona Apple; it fits everything perfectly  
****I hoped you guys like it  
****Would you guys like to see this chapter in Edward's POV or should I just continue forward?  
****PLEASE! Review (:**


	16. Iris

**Hey everyone!****  
your response is hot sex****By popular demand, this will be a short Edward's POV of the last chapter****  
Sorry once again about the long wait, I've been super busy v.v****So close until 100 reviews you guys!****  
C'mon I'm sure everyone who has this on alert can leave something (:****  
The next chapter has to be my favorite, but you'll see why  
As an added bonus, it will be also be one of my longest chapters  
Let it proceed!**

**Chapter 16 – Iris**  
(EPOV)

I was so thrown off by what Bella had said, I had not noticed her moving faster out. _No! This is your chance! Find out what exactly is going on in that absurd mind of hers!_

I went in front of her, barely a step for me, and used my body as a fence from her movement. _Look at me! PLEASE!_

"What do you mean I _can't_ care for you?", I choked out, a range of thoughts slurring through my head.

She still looked away from me. The silence was painful, and as much as I wanted to pull her face to mine, I knew it would give her even more of an incentive to push away from me.

She finally began to speak. "L-L-look Edward, I get it. You've been feeling sorry for me so you decided to befriend me. But this has gone far enough! I'm going to hurt myself further, by continuing this show. Maybe we should just stop talking altogether."

Even though she was barely whispering, the words sounded like she shouted them in my ear. Her voice sounded detached, as did her eyes which refused to look up.

She shut her eyes tightly, and it was then I realized what she was doing. _She was protecting herself from me. She really does think you are a monster. I can't really blame her. _

"I see", I stated. I wanted to get out of there fast but knowing her, she would get lost if I just left her there. _She would think even worse of me_. I picked her up and sprinted to her truck, dropping her lightly and then leaving for home. I could not look at her anymore, the fear of wanting to hold her taking over me.

I never looked back.

* * *

I would say the week went by painfully, but that would be the understatement of the year. I was suffering far worse than I thought a vampire could possibly endure. It was as if I was a hardcore addict who had just went cold turkey.

I had made a permanent station on my black leather couch, refusing to move an inch no matter the pleas of my family. Although there was no stomach acid left in my body, it had managed to force me to vomit venom. _Withdrawal symptoms, _Carlisle's thoughts hitting me like a jackhammer.

I had stopped feeding, even more to the dismay of my family. _Why couldn't they understand? I no longer have any will to do anything..._

My brain was racked with thoughts of _her._ All I wanted to do was touch her, make her safe and keep her for myself. But all I could do was reminisce on the memories my mind held.

The deep chocolate of her eyes. The warmth of her skin. The silkiness of her hair. The beauty of her smile. And the smell, the floral smell of her blood. It made the venom burn in the back of my throat, and I cursed myself once again. My eyes were definitely black. _No wonder she didn't want anything to do with you. All you can do is fantasize about draining what keeps her alive. _

I had lost count of the days and nights when I heard Rosalie's convertible getting into the garage. Usually, I would not bother to pay attention to my family's thoughts out of courtesy but something called to me.

_Edward's going to be pissed, _Emmett's thoughts called first. Within no time, the four of them walked into my room, each of their thoughts flurrying.

I turned towards them and looked at each of them. They all looked disheartened at my appearance except for Rosalie who simply huffed.

It was there in Jasper's mind that I saw it. _The four of them cornering Bella. Jasper talking to her about what was happening and Rosalie snapping at her._

That was it. I let out a ferocious snarl and looked at my family, my eyes blazing with anger. " I TELL YOU GUYS TO LEAVE HER ALONE, AND WHAT DO YOU DO?! CORNER HER! AND ROSALIE! DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED!", I bellowed, knowing their sensitive ears would be ringing soon.

Jasper was the first to speak up. "Edward, we all agree what Rosalie did was out of line. But you have to know something."

Jasper was about to continue, but Alice interrupted and Jasper closed his mind from me. "Edward, Bella's in trouble. She went off into the woods and she's hurt herself!", she exclaimed, sending me images from her vision.

"But all I'll do is hurt her", I hesitated sadly, looking away from them.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! If you don't go help her right now, she will die! Are you really going to let that happen?", Alice pressed, and I knew I couldn't.

Not giving her any time to continue, I got up and raced, praying I made it in time. As I ran out of the house, I could hear Jasper talk to Alice. "Why did stop me from telling him?"

"It's better if he hears it from her", she said simply.

* * *

The rain had started from a light drizzle to full out pour and I was definitely getting worried. I rushed all the way to the meadow and it was there that I found her.

It was that and there, I knew I could never harm her, because the sight in front of me scared me, no pun intended, to death. Her fragile form was curled into a ball, her wet clothes and hair clinging onto her goose bumped skin. She was facing towards the ground so I could not tell if she was conscious.

"Bella?" I called out, praying she was alright. Thankfully, she stirred, and her slowing heartbeat picked up it's pace. I ran over to her and gently turned her body upward.

It was then that I allowed myself to be upset. "Bella! You're completely drenched! You could have hypothermia right now! What were you thinking?!", I demanded impatiently. She didn't seem to be paying attention to my words.

"I deserved it. I needed to be punished.", she whispered, and my eyeballs nearly came out of their sockets. _What in the world was she talking about?!_

Trying to calm myself down, I took a few deep breaths before asking, "What are you talking about?". When she did not answer, I figured it was once again my fault.

"I'm so sorry Bella. It's all my fault.." I pleaded, hoping that would get a reaction out of her.

It did exactly that. Despite her clearly swollen ankle and near-unconsciousness, she angrily jumped up from the ground and looked directly into my eyes.

"You stupid vampire. I didn't tell you to not care for me because I didn't _want _you. I told you to stop caring for me, because I'm not worth it. You have so much for yourself, how could I let you hold on to someone so idiotic like me? How could you possibly think I hated you? I'm in love with you!" she nearly screamed, and for the first time in my existence as a vampire, I swore I could feel my dead heart beat.

Without thinking, I grabbed her face securely with my hands, forcing her to continue looking into my eyes so she could see my sincerity.

"Don't let me ever hear you say things like that about yourself. You are perfect in every form and sense, I would kill anyone who told you otherwise. You also have it the other way around. It is I who is not worth it. And lastly, you are my life. Don't ever doubt it.", I whispered to her, knowing she heard every word I said. I used my thumbs to wipe away the tears from her eyes, praying they would be the last I'd ever cause her.

My eyes traveled down to her face to her soft lips, frozen from the cold they had endured for the last couple of hours. "So blue.." I murmured softly, before capturing them with my own. The friction they made sent shock waves through my body. Bella immediately dug her hands into my hair and pressed her body to mine, shocking me further and causing me to realize what I was doing.

I stiffened from the close proximity we had, and when she realized I had stopped, she did too. I closed my eyes tightly while she murmured a soft apology. I could feel the heat from the blood rushing to her face, and I felt better knowing I had warmed her up.

I took a couple deep breaths and opened my eyes, seeing their gold reflection in her eyes.

We both smiled at each other, and in that moment, my existence felt complete. I did not need anymore. I picked up her soaking body and carried her to her truck. _I'd never leave her side_.

**Hooray! They finally got together!  
Once again, I apologize over and over and over again for the long time this took to come out  
I hope you guys forgive me :)  
PLEASEPLEASE Review!**


	17. We Intertwined

**Wow. 100+ Reviews!! Right now, I could very nearly fall off my chair in excitement (:****THANK YOU GUYS! Your response moves me so much.****I'm SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO sorry about this humongous delay****My summer job took up so much of my time, I've been exhausted, both mentally and physically.****Instructing soccer to 7-8 year olds is a lot harder than it sounds.  
Anyways here is the cute chapter I've promised for a long time.**

**AAAAAAAND. Breaking Dawn ON FRIDAY!****I'm going to the Borders Midnight Release Party in Union Square San Francisco. So EXCITED!**

**Chapter 17- We Intertwined  
(BPOV)**

While Edward gently whisked me away from the wet ground that was our meadow, I realized three things. One: I had just proclaimed my love to a vampire who was constantly fighting himself to kill me. Two: I would do anything in the world to keep him with me. And three: My head was feeling a lot heavier than I could comprehend.

With whatever strength of will I had left, I forced my eyelids to open and focused on Edward. He was beautiful. His messy bronze hair moved with the harsh wind and his whole demeanor exuded power. I smiled slightly and whispered his name.

That was all it took to get his attention. His eyes widened as he looked at my frame in his arms and immediately halted.

"Bella, your heartbeat is getting slower. Stay awake!" he commanded, his smooth voice, cracking with worry.

"I'm so sleepy, Edward.", I replied, still trying to fight the ache that was my closing eyes.

"No. No. NO!!", Edward shouted, but it was pointless. I had shut my eyes and everything had become black.

* * *

_Mhmmm_. _I was having quite a lovely dream. I had fallen and hurt myself, when Edward came to my rescue, saving me like the guardian angel he is and telling me he loved me. Of course it was a dream, but who said I couldn't enjoy it._

"Ouch...", I moaned slightly, and with that, I blinked, eyes wide open, and sat up. The pain that was shooting up my leg was coming from my ankle. _It wasn't a dream?_

It was then that I realized I had no idea where I was. I was laying on a plush black leather sofa, covered by a velour blanket to keep me warm. The back wall was one huge window, giving a gorgeous view of the river and mountain range nearby. The western wall was completely shelved with CD's, records, and tape cassettes, more than that of the average Tower Records. On the other side was a sophisticated looking stereo system with ceiling high speakers. Last was the floor, carpeted with a thick golden fabric, giving the room a modern glow to it.

As I stood up, wobbly because of the lack of energy and ankle, I realized one more thing. I wasn't wearing the same clothes I had remembered I wore in the morning.

Replacing my jeans and sweatshirt, was a dress, looked like it was made for an antique doll. Collared and with sheer sleeves, the pale chiffon baby doll dress was covered in multicolored geometric shapes and came up mid thigh. Thankfully my legs were covered in black opaque tights to keep them warm as well. I wobbled my way to the glass window to see that it was not only my clothes that had been change. My hair had been dried and curled slightly on the ends and my lips had been painted a deep red, giving them a look of fullness.

_This must be Edward's room, which means I must be at the Cullens. _Taking a deep breath, I decided to brave up and take a look of the house. Straight outside of the room was a layer of stairs down to the living room. Holding onto the rail carefully, I treaded lightly until I reached the base of the stairs to stop and take a look around.

The living room was so bright and open, so not what I expected when I thought of where the Cullens would live. All in various shades of white, the room had a very high-beamed ceiling with one wide space to move around in. What caught my attention immediately however, was the grand piano resting by the platform of the door. Next to the guitar, piano happened to be one of my favorite instruments. Each note played on both instruments echoed the emotion no other could portray.

Placing myself onto the seat, I let my slender fingers graze the smooth surface of the keys before putting them into position.

Almost as quickly as Edward moved, my fingers danced along the keys, a bright and playful tune filling the air and lightening my heart. Losing all self-restraint as I usually did whenever I played, I started singing along.

"In a field outside of town we could always be alone  
Carry a blanket maybe a basket - and that's it  
Innocence was the key I was locked up never free  
Until you turned me  
Like vines we intertwined, carelessly growing up and growing old  
Life was on our tongues, and it tasted heavenly so good "

It was until I heard a soft chuckle, that I realized what I was doing and stopped immediately, fumbling around to make myself look less guilty. I turned around to see the amused ocher eyes that belonged to Alice and Edward.

"Bella!", Alice squealed. "You look so cute in that Miu Miu dress I picked out for you. I hope you don't mind, your other clothes were soaked and ugly!"

Edward's eyes softened with the deepened color my cheeks were turning. "I didn't know you play piano as well.", he murmured.

His words finally registered in me. "You play piano too? Oh wait, never mind. You can do everything.", I rolled my eyes at him, earning another chuckle from him as he came to my side and placed his hand at my shoulder blade.

"So what happened after you found me in the meadow?", I asked, still trying to figure out how I came to be where I am.

"When I was taking you to your car, your heartbeat had slowed and I thought you had gotten hypothermia. The closest place where I could get you treatment no questions asked was my house, so I took you there. Carlisle gave you some medicine which obviously worked and is going to get you an ice compress for your ankle when he gets back.", Edward explained, his voice getting slightly smaller by the end of his explanation.

"Hey", I said reassuringly, putting my hand on his, "if you hadn't done that, who knows what could have happened. Thanks." He gave me a soft smile before leaving a soft kiss on my cheek. My heartbeat sped automatically, which made him laugh, a sound I could never get used to.

"Since we're here Bella, I want to introduce you to my family. This is Esme.", he pointed to the elegant woman at the doorway with a pot of soup in her hands. She was softer featured than the others but still just as beautiful. Looking at me and Edward for a moment, her face softened even more and she put down the pot on the nearby table before coming up to me.

"It's so very nice to finally meet you Bella. I was afraid I wouldn't get the chance.", she said sincerely, reaching for my hand to shake it. Surprising both me and her, I instead wrapped my arms around her and buried my face into her caramel-colored hair. It was very comforting to meet someone who had the motherly presence.

After gathering myself, she picked the pot up again and put a cup of steaming chicken noodle in my hands. "You need some energy dear, I hope you like this. It's been much too long since I've cooked for anyone.", she said softly.

Taking a small spoonful, I gulped it down happily and chirped, "I love it! Thank you so much Mrs. Cullen."

"Please dear, call me Esme.", she said happily, visibly pleased with my reaction to her cooking skills. "So was it you I heard playing the piano? You have such a lovely voice. I'm sure Edward is glad he can finally talk about music with someone who won't give him a blank stare in return.", she added teasingly.

"Actually he didn't even tell me he played," I said, flushing at her compliment. Esme gave Edward a look of mock anger, before he took a place beside and let his fingers flow swiftly across the ivory.

Within seconds a composition so complex filled the room, it was hard to believe it was only one set of hands playing.

"It's beautiful." I said softly, talking about both Edward and the music.

The melody slowed down to something much sweeter, and I could feel my eyes swell to the sound of what was apparently a lullaby. "I wrote this one for you.", he said as it ended.

My eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Really?", I choked out. He simply smirked and nodded. Something to the melody seemed incomplete though. "What are the lyrics?", I countered.

That he wasn't expecting. "How did you know there were lyrics?", he asked a strange admiration clouding his eyes.

"The music seemed to only support a stronger emotion that was supposed to be there." I shrugged, hoping I made some sense.

"You're incredible, you know that? No wonder my family already loves you.", he said, getting off the piano chair and pulling me up with him.

It was then that I turned around to see the huge room was empty.

"Don't think I didn't notice Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper not anywhere nearby.", I reminded him and he shook his head.

"Emmett and Jasper don't have a problem with you at all. In fact I told Jasper to keep his distance since he is the most recent to our way of life. Emmett is with Rosalie trying to reason with her. She's a little jealous to be honest.", he explained.

"WHAT!? How could _she_ be jealous of _me_?" I asked incredulously. She was absolutely breathtaking and I was, well me.

"You're human." He shrugged. "She wished that she were, too."

_Oh. _Suddenly, the front door opened, only to show Dr. McDreamy himself, Carlisle. His blond hair was slightly windswept, giving him the look of a spokes model for the latest professional hair product.

He looked up at me and gave me sweet smile. "Bella! I'm glad to see the medication worked. You look much better now. I brought that ice compress Edward asked me for from the pharmacy. By tomorrow, your ankle should be just as new since it was only a light sprain."

With that, he handed the ice compress to Edward before giving me another smile and going off to see Esme.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if you would stop looking at Carlisle like a piece of meat." Edward said in an annoyed tone.

I flushed crimson before putting my arms around his neck. "Don't sound so jealous. You know you're the only one for me.", I laughed as he chuckled and playfully nuzzled my neck.

"It's getting late. Your father will get worried.", he murmured into my hair.

"I don't want to go home.", I replied, slightly whining.

"Don't worry, I'll stay with you", he said casually, giving me a wink. Before I could ask him how he was going to manage this, he had disappeared, only to reappear with a pair of white oxford shoes.

"Alice said to wear these, and to keep it. I must admit, you look adorable. My own personal doll." he whispered into my ear, his lips just touching the center of it. I shivered slightly before nodding and taking them from his hands.

The family called a loud goodbye before Edward took me into his Volvo and drove us to my house. "I'll be back before you can get to your room", he said, gently stroking my face with his long fingers. With that, I left the car feeling lighter-hearted than I had felt in a long time. I almost skipped into the door.

"Hey kiddo! Where have you been? It's almost 11! Where did you get the get-up?" Charlie asked in a flurry of worried questions.

"I was taking a walk close to the forest when I tripped on a tree root and twisted my ankle. Edward Cullen found me and took me back to his house where Dr. Cullen treated me and Alice decided to make me her Barbie doll", I said, sparing all the gory details.

With that, Charlie visibly relaxed and took a seat on the couch. "I'll give Carlisle a call tomorrow and let him know how grateful I am. Go to bed soon."

"Okay, Goodnight Dad!" I said perkily, giving him a kiss on the forehead before heading upstairs. Making a stop at the bathroom, I changed out of the expensive dress and tights Alice dressed me in and put on a pullover sweatshirt and a pair of navy basketball shorts.

In my bedroom was Edward, laying casually on it as if it was something he did everyday, his hands underneath his head on the pillow. Stifling a gasp, I sat on the edge, and tried to remind myself this wasn't a dream.

Edward gently turned my head toward his. "Look at your eyes, they look so very tired. Come now, you need some sleep.", he murmured before pulling both of us under the covers.

That didn't stop the increased rate of my heartbeat though. "Would it be easier if I left?" he asked, amused.

"NO!", I almost shouted, before he put his hand over my mouth.

"Okay how about if I sing you to sleep?", he said smiling into my hair. I snuggled into the crook of his arm and nodded.

"Goodnight my angel time to close your eyes and save these questions for another day

I think I know what you've been asking me, I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promise I would never leave you and you should always know

Wherever you may go no matter where you are I will never be far away."

"The lyrics to my song..", I murmured happily. I turned my head upwards to face him. I looked into his eyes completely content with the moment, and kissed him tenderly on the lips. No force, no rush. When I pulled back, his eyes mirrored mine and I soon closed my eyes.

_I won't wake up and feel alone anymore._

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**I will start updating more regularly.****PLEASE R/R!  
Thank you guys(  
LOOOOVE for you all.**


	18. Where Does The Good Go?

**Hey guys. –Dodges tomatoes and other items being thrown- I can only apologize so many times for how much time I've taken just to update this story. I totally understand if all my original readers have just given up on this story and all I can say is I hope you take me back! Thank you so much for all of your support and I hope you continue to read and review!**

**P.S. I feel like I haven't mentioned this in a while, but everything is owned by Stephenie Meyer!**

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**Chapter 18- Where Does The Good Go?  
(BPOV)**

_Mhmm…_

I rolled gently to the side of my bed only to collide into something that felt like stone.

"Oomph", I grunted, until I realized there was only one thing, or should I say person, that felt like stone and would be in my bed.

"Edward!", I cried out, forgetting all other inhibitions and threw myself at him enthusiastically. While appearing startled yet pleased, he gently rubbed my back as he wrapped his cold arms around me.

It really wasn't a dream. And you know what? Even if it was, I never wanted to wake up. This was what Heaven must be lik.

And then at that moment, everything started rushing into my head.

"Charlie!" I exclaimed, jumping out of bed and checking the halls.

"Already gone. He'll be back around four with a friend of his who is visiting," Edward chuckled, amused by my jumpy routine of the morning.

"Human minute", I stated, before rushing into the bathroom. The person in the mirror wasn't the same freak I saw when I first came to Forks. This person was too happy with big bright eyes, flushed cheeks, and crazy bed hair that refused to be tamed. No, this person had to be a different girl. This wasn't at all the same happiness that was seen with Astaire. _DID I JUST THINK HIS NAME_? I was never able to do that. Something was changing, and I think I had an inkling of what it could be.

When I raced back into my bedroom, Edward was standing by my bed, arms open wide for me to crawl into. I dived in eagerly.

Holding each other in content silence for a couple minutes, I basked in what was easily the epitome of my life. This was the nirvana, kingdom of God, moksha, whatever religions offered for following, and Edward was giving me that simply by holding me. He couldn't possibly be mine. I clutched him tighter at the thought he wouldn't be with me. I don't think I would be able to let go. If I had become a shell at losing Astaire, I could not bear to think what would I be like if I didn't' have Edward.

That became the perfect moment for my stomach to rumble and interrupt my heavy thoughts.

"Breakfast time for the human", said Edward, picking me up as if I was a backpack and carrying me to the kitchen.

"What's on the menu Chef Edward?" I asked, grinning as his face showed the fact that he had no idea what he was about to do.

"Kidding, I'm pretty good in this area, just so you know", I declared cheekily, winking as I went on my way to get a bow of cereal and milk.

Edward continued to stare as I ate my simple meal, making me more self-conscious with every bite.

Trying to steer his focus onto something else, I asked "So what's the plan for today?"

Edward stroked his chin deliberately before forming a mischievous grin and gently caressing his lips with mine, "We'll just have to figure that out won't we?"

And that's exactly what we did.

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This routine of unending bliss continued on for the next few weeks. I had to admit, it felt too good to be true. If it wasn't me going to his house and spending a day with the Cullen's it was he coming over and always both ways ended up with me sleeping in his soothingly chilled arms.

Today in particularly happened to be one of those days that I went over to the Cullen abode. Edward was focused on a food channel in the large plasma screen in the living room, while I was sitting by his side and talking to Emmett who was standing by the doorway.

"I don't even understand why you're watching that, not like learning the culinary skills of Paula Deen is going to affect you in any way", called Emmett as we both continued to laugh at Edward's scrunched up face.

"Future reference for this one over here", he said, ungluing his eyes from the screen to smile at me and ruffle my hair. I giggled and tucked my head under his shoulder.

"So where was I? Oh yeah that's right. How I became the best looking Cullen!" exclaimed Emmett, winking at me as he went on. Emmett and I had formed a warm relationship as I started spending more time here. At first weirded out by the vampire-human liaison Edward and I had going on, he moved past that and quickly became the big brother I always wanted, much to the grimace of Rosalie.

"So I had gotten lost in the woods in the Western territory when all of a sudden, in front of me appeared a huge grizzly bear. Within minutes the thing had basically ravaged my face off and was ready to finish me. At that point, the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my entire life had shown up, and it was then that I decided I must have already died. The angel killed off the bear and then carried me and started running at an incredible speed. I am guessing I had lost consciousness by then because when I woke up, I was here." explained Emmett, never breaking eye contact with me as I shivered.

"So… how do you become a vampire?" I asked. Edward immediately stiffened, and Emmett began to ogle me.

"What do you mean? Hasn't Edward talked to you about this at all?" he questioned.

"Emmett", Edward's voice turned into a harsh authoritive snarl as I slowly moved my eyes from Edward to Emmett.

The thought of our future had crossed my mind once or twice, but I had never put it in that type of perspective? _Was Edward going to change me? Did we even __**have**__ a future?_

And then all the insecurities had started flooding. I mean, we had never defined what we were, who was I to immediately assume us as forever? _What was wrong with me?_

_Only too much is wrong with you Swan!_ And the voice came back. That very same voice that enjoyed putting my self-esteem in a corner and then swatting it.

I blinked out of the thoughts and noticed how Emmett and Edward were both staring at me. I attempted a smile and went back to looking at the television silently.

Right at that moment, Alice ran into the room, clapping her hands excitedly.

"Guys! Thunderstorm tonight! Are you guys game?" she squealed in the Alice-type fashion that only she could do.

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed Emmett.

That threw me off for a second. "What're you talking about?" I asked

Edward answered this one. "During thunderstorms we always play a game of baseball since it's the only time we can."

"Oh I see. Should I leave? I don't want to impose", I said, trying my level best to take the emotion out of my voice.

Edward gently took my face in his hands. "I would really like if you came with us. Do you want to go?" his expression vivid with excitement.

I just couldn't disappoint that face. "Sure. Where are we going?"

Emmett replied, "In this dry clearing outside of town. Bella, you're going to have such a blast watching us. You will not be bored at all, I promise!"

"Do I have enough time to go home and change?" I asked, my smile finding it's way naturally backs to my face.

"Yeah, I'll come pick you up in an hour or so." Edward said, pulling me just a little closer to him.

* * *

Within minutes I had gotten back in my car and was close to turning up onto my street. Next to Charlie was an old man in a wheelchair and someone who looked strangely familiar.

I parked next to the driveway and hopped out of my truck to the group.

"Bella! Wasn't expecting you home for a couple hours. You remember Billy right? You used to play with his daughters Rebecca and Rachel when you were younger. This is his youngest son Jacob!" explained Charlie as I looked at the pair.

My eyes went straight to the boy next to the old man. He was lanky, rich-toned, and had a very comfortable warm smile. His eyes held shock as he recognized me. _Why couldn't I place who he was?_

And then it had hit me. He was the same guy that had saved me from being raped by Mike Newton. I gasped and without giving it a second thought, I jumped into his arms, attaching my arms around his neck.

He awkwardly patted my back, although from the way his heart was racing, I could tell the sentiment was mutual.

After a few second I detached myself, blushing redder than that of a tomato.

"Do you two know each other?" Charlie asked, a slight edge in his amused tone.

"Yeah, he saved me from a bad accident when I went to La Push", I laughed off; hoping Charlie didn't catch the break in my voice while Jacob gave me a comforting glance.

We all went back into the house, while I went upstairs to wear some warmer clothes. Changing into some thick skinny cords, a white thermal under a loose flannel shirt and pea coat, I cleaned myself up, hoping I looked even somewhat presentable before going to see Edward again. I couldn't help but let what Emmett said get to me. _Was I not good enough for him to keep forever? Is that why we hadn't…_? No! I really needed to get this out of my head. The doubts were only going to keep plaguing me.

By the time I had come back downstairs, Charlie was once again outside with Billy and Jacob, looking like they were ready to leave.

"Thanks for stopping by with the fish-fry. You know how much I love that recipe. You better visit more." Charlie grinned at Billy, while Jacob and I locked eyes, grinning at each other.

This time Jacob spoke up teasingly,"Yeah we definitely will. Bella seems to always need someone looking out for her." Acting like a ten year-old, I stuck my tongue out at him and we both chuckled at that.

I gave him one last hug, this time not so much a surprise for either party.

"Thank you so much Jacob. Really, I mean it", I whispered into his ear.

"Anytime Bella. Anytime." he responded simply, and I felt myself smile warmly.

Waving them off, I turned to Charlie who had a strange smile on his face.

"You and Jacob seem to hit it off well…" he started.

"No Dad! Stop! You know me and Edward are…" I said, before realizing Edward and I had never actually given our relationship a name.

"Yeah, yeah…" Charlie said dismissively. "So what's with the get-up?"

"Edward and his family are taking me to watch them play baseball"

"Edward got you to watch baseball? You must really like him…"

Before flushing scarlet, I spotted Edward walking toward us, and my heartbeat increased a hundred-fold at the simple sight of him.

"Chief Swan. Nice to meet you, sir", Edward said respectively, holding out his hand.

"Call me Charlie. Nice to meet you too," Charlie replied, shaking Edward's hand and obviously assessing his handgrip.

"Not out too late Bells", Charlie warned.

"I'll have her home early. I'll make sure she is safe" Edward promised sincerely.

With that said, I followed Edward to the side of the street where a massive Jeep was parked. He swiftly lifted me into the seat and followed suit.

Before Edward could open his mouth to speak, I had all but attacked him with mine, clinging to his neck with a newfound fervor I had never realized. Within less than a second he had turned stone-like.

"Damn it, Bella! What was that?" he broke off gasping.

The pain of rejection came crawling back at me with fierce intensity.

"Listen Bella, we need to talk about what Emmett said. If you let me, I can explain to you why I didn't tell you about the change.", he said. I nodded even though I turned my face to the other side so I could blink away the tears.

"Simply, for as long as I could remember, I have always thought of myself as an abomination, something that shouldn't exist. To turn **you** into that, would be inacceptable to me. I can't take away your soul just for my selfish desires."

"But I'd be happier if I were with you forever ", I replied, my emotions getting the best of me.

"You think that now… Whatever the matter may be, I care for you and your soul far too much to even taint it with this dark life", he concluded, intertwining our fingers together.

As much as I didn't want to say it, I blurted it out anyways "…So you still want me?"

"Of course I still want you, what made you think…", Edward continued, his expression becoming more incredulous and then mortified.

"Bella I'm so sorry. I'm so inconsiderate of your feelings. It's only myself whom I'm frustrated with, that I can't do everything to please you", his tone sincerely apologetic.

"I know you've been hurt before, but believe me when I tell you, no one will ever love you as much as I do.", he continued, giving me a soft but firm kiss close to my jaw line.

We stayed in silence for a moment, our hand still wrapped around each others before he started driving towards the clearing.

If only I knew where this path was leading us…  Trouble was, I didn't know if I was thinking figuratively or literally.

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**There you have it guys!  
I am definitely going to continue to update at least weekly if possible.  
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE rate/review**


	19. Welcome To The Jungle

**I've been so terrible with updates, so this chapter is going to be much longer  
On a better note, I've updated all my old chapters so they are error-free (hooray!)  
This chap is full with angst/fluff/humor/more angst (;  
So here we go!  
Review Review Review!**

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**Chapter 19 – Welcome to The Jungle  
(BPOV)**

I was still deep in thought as we were close the clearing in the field. It was really hard to believe that someone so perfect as Edward could want someone like me.

Against my will, the flashbacks with Astaire came back. The time we snuck into the Phoenix observatory after hours. The time we went to a karaoke bar for my birthday. Those were all times I thought we were madly in love, but he wasn't. And he was _human_. How could I possibly stand a chance with someone who's even more perfect?

_That's because you __**don't**__ stand a chance._ Great, the voice is back. _Well that's because you don't listen. Your problem is that you go after guys that are out of your league, and then see what happens. Don't blame them; it's __**your **__fault._

And this time I didn't have the strength to argue. No matter if I change my nickname, or wear different clothes, or try putting myself out there, it's not really going to change who I am.

"Oomph", I whimpered when I felt Edward come to abrupt halt. I guess we reached the clearing. Edward loosened his grip on me, and I stumbled and fell to the ground. The red spread on my cheeks and I quietly groaned.

I heard a muffled laughter from above me when I looked up to see Edward's face. The sound of his laughter made me smile and the burden lifted. For a second It unfortunately came back when I realized he was laughing _at _me. I was always going to be a clumsy human in his eyes.

I quietly got up and blinked back tears, trying to walk past Edward to the clearing. No such luck.

"Hey", he said concernedly as he grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at him. "What's wrong?"

I held back my voice from saying everything but then I looked to his eyes. I couldn't read what they held and that scared me most of all.

"You let me fall", I choked simply, I wasn't sure what I was talking about anymore. Before he could start apologizing for whatever I said, I interrupted him.

"Sorry Edward, I was just in a bad mood. Come on, let's go to your family," I said softly, giving him a light kiss and a small smile that barely reached my eyes. He took my hand and pressed his lips to my knuckles, a gesture I so desperately wanted to call loving. I just didn't know anymore.

The whole family was standing together wearing a matching pinstriped "Cullen" baseball tee. I looked back at Edward and noticed he was wearing the same. Then I noticed Alice was holding an extra one, waving it in front of my face. I felt a genuine grin growing on my face, and I knew I could be a little happier for the kindness the entire family was bestowing on me.

Since it was Emmett's turn to sit out for the game to make the teams even, he sat by me while we watched. I was grateful for this because only someone goofy life Emmett would help me get over myself and enjoy the day out.

Before the game started, Emmett tapped me on the shoulder. Well I wouldn't call it a tap but since it was Emmett, I wasn't surprised it was more like a punch. "Hey Bella, hold on for a second, Edward brought something for you." I groaned. I was feeling more and more like a charity case by the second.

Within less time than it took for me to open my mouth, Emmett reappeared with a brand new acoustic guitar. _Wow._ "What is this?", I asked I awe, my fingers itching to stroke the neck.

"Edward didn't want you to get bored in case you didn't like watching baseball, so he brought this thing along." Even the voice in my head had nothing to say about this. This was a genuine loving gesture, considering I never mentioned anything about my guitar. I felt my eyes tingle at the edges and I looked up to see Edward staring at me, nervously eager to see my reaction. I gave him a genuine smile and mouthed, "I love you" to him. His eyes were filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration, and at that moment I felt nothing but total security.

"So any requests?" I grinned at Emmett, watching his face light up like a kid getting a Christmas present he had been begging for.

"Can you play any Guns N' Roses?", Emmett asked, looking more and more hopeful.

I just gave him a big grin and started playing an intro to my favorite GNR song that I knew by heart.

"Yes! I love Welcome to the Jungle!", he whooped, earning a loud laughter from me.

We were both standing up by this point, shaking our bodies to the beat, Emmett's jumping causing vibrations in the ground.

"_**Welcome to the jungle, we got fun 'n' games  
We got everything you want, honey we know the names  
We are the people that can find, whatever you may need  
If you got the money honey, we got your disease"**_

We were both shouting on top our lungs. At the start of the solo, I went on my knees and started shredding my acoustic, watching Emmett imitate me with his air guitar. By the time we were both done, we heard faint clapping, and looked behind to see the family watching us amusedly enough to pause the game, except for Rosalie who looked ready to strangle Emmett.

Edward ran up to me, a big grin instilled in his face. "I didn't know I had the new Axl Rose in my presence", he whispered in my ear, and I playfully swatted him on the arm.

"Please!", Emmett huffed. "Obviously _**I'm**_ Axl Rose and she's Slash. God Edward, if you're going to act like you know everything about music, at least know all the members of one of the best 80's bands around!"

Everyone just stared blankly at Emmett before bursting out laughing. My heart felt light again when Edward grabbed my hand again. I would take advantage of this feeling for as long as I could.

Stepping on the tip of my toes, I reached to Edward's ear and whispered into his ear, "Thank you for loving me". He looked deep in my eyes, but I couldn't find myself able to shy away. "Thank **you**". I captured his lips into a kiss, trying to stay within his boundaries, but finding it terribly hard.

A loud cough broke us apart. It was Alice who looked on amusedly, with her hands on her hips.

"Come on lovebirds. We have a game to finish!", she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air dramatically.

Edward lightly rolled his eyes and put his arm around me. "My turn to sit out", he said, smiling towards me. My heart sped a hundred fold. On our way to the sidelines, I began singing a little to myself.

"_**And when you're high you never ever want to come down, so down…"**_

I just didn't know how soon the down was coming.

* * *

The score was tie. Carlisle's team, consisting of Rosalie and Alice, was leading 2-1 to Esme's team. The last play was being made, and Edward and I were holding each other, too wrapped up in our own private bubble to pay attention to the game. We had heard the striking of the baseball against the bat and then a gasp from Alice.

Edward immediately dropped his hold on me and looked at Alice in horror. Jasper was the first to rush to Alice's side, asking her what was wrong.

Alice began to shake and looked towards Edward, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea they were coming."

"Can we get her back in time?", Edward asked tersely, but I was too afraid to tell him to tone it down.

"No, they're coming in less than a couple minutes. They heard us and want to play.", she whimpered, and Jasper spread a strong wave of calm towards the whole area.

Carlisle, taking over his authoritive role in the family, was the first to speak. "What is happening?"

"Three nomads are coming this way now.", Alice said, her voice becoming stronger. My heart stopped. _Nomads?_ _As in…?_

"Vampires that drink human blood", I whispered to myself. Everyone turned their face to me.

Edward was again all over me. He took my hair down, rubbed his hands allover my sides. "I'm so so sorry. I can't believe I was so stupid," he muttered, upset in a way I had never heard before.

He became quickly silent however, and focused his stare on the far right corner of the field. A few seconds later, a dark rumbling sound made itself known. It was then that they appeared.

Three… well I wasn't really sure what to call them. People seemed to tame a word. They were creatures. Animalistic movement, fierce expressions, _beautiful in a dangerous way._ I was entranced by the bunch, two men on the sides, and a woman in the center. The man on the right had long thick dreadlocks and rich chocolate skin, a deep contrast to the man on the left with painfully pale skin and long icy blond hair. The woman in the middle was easily the fiercest, with her wild red hair and sharp flashy teeth on display. All three were barefoot and clothed in ripped attire. They all had crimson eyes.

The Cullen family all moved in front and around me, a shield of sorts. _Like that would work_, I thought bitterly. I kept my face down, afraid to make eye contact and have my identity be revealed.

A shuffling of feet occurred and an easy deep voice spoke, "Hello there, I'm Laurent, and these are Victoria and James. It is very nice to finally run into company. Do you have room for a few more players in your game?", the voice continued, and a spark of hope rushed through me.

Carlisle turned to speak. "Nice to meet you, I'm Carlisle and this is my family. Well actually we had just finished, but we would love to some other time. Why don't you come back to our home with us so you can be more comfortable."

"Home. We haven't heard that word in a long time. We would love to since we haven't gotten the chance to clean up in so long," gushed the same voice, appreciation sincere in his voice.

"Splendid. My wife Esme and I will show you where to run with us. The others can take the car", Carlisle mentioned casually, and Edward latched onto my hand.

Esme and Carlisle were just about to leave with the nomads when a breeze had caught, obviously sending my scent through the air. Looking up at last, Edward had stiffened considerably and had thrown me behind him. It was then that the pale skinned creature crouched down, his burgundy eyes staring at my throat.

Edward released a feral snarl, something I had never heard before, and Alice had moved me a few more feet back.

The dark skinned one and Victoria looked on in surprise, looking questioningly at Carlisle, who maintained his authoritive pose.

"She is with us", he said simply, and while Laurent contained his expression, Victoria's face looked quite incensed, her feline movements becoming more purposeful, and a loud hiss escaping her mouth.

Laurent spoke again, this time his voice not sounding as light. "Very curious indeed. We assure you no harm will come to the girl. Let's go back to the house." I stood completely frozen in place, shaking to the bone. _Note to self: if this ever happens again, learn to be more badass and bold about it_.

Edward had taken me out of my reverie by tugging sharply on my arm and then sprinted me to the Jeep. He threw me into the backseat, Emmett getting in next to me. Rosalie and Jasper sat on the rails and Alice in the front seat. Edward took the wheel and slammed the accelerator.

Emmett strapped me into the harness which felt more like a straightjacket and the entire car became silent.

I was shaking, not fully out of fear, but a lot out of anger. No one was telling me what was happening.

I tried to remain calm, Edward would tell me. "Edward, where are we going?", I asked as politely as my voice could maintain. Silence.

And then I lost it. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Where. The. Fuck. Are. We Going. TELL ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL CLAW MY WAY OUT OF THIS FUCKING DEATHTRAP", my voice had gone from deadly low to the high pitch of a banshee. I hadn't cursed since I arrived here in Forks. I could see from the car mirror my eyes were that of a psychopath but I did not care.

I started thrashing violently, trying anything in my power to get out of my seat. Edward's eyes flashed dangerously at Emmett's and suddenly his vice-like grip had surrounded me.

Alice, always the level headed one of the group, spoke out. "Edward, let's get our plan straight. Pull over"

When he remained unresponsive, she repeated with more of an edge. "Edward."

This finally got a rise out of him. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. HE'S A TRACKER. HE'S A TRACKER, AND HE'S AFTER HER."

Everyone in the car became painfully silent, and I wondered what a tracker was in order to get everyone this tense.

Alice began trying to coax him. "Let's just look at our options here, please?"

The car had finally slowed down until it became a complete stop. Even with Emmett's grip I fell forward and backwards in the seat.

If there was any moment I'd get to speak it was now. "I'm not leaving Charlie," I said firmly, knowing full well if it was up to Edward, I would already be on a different continent.

Edward ignored me.

"There's always another option", Jasper spoke up this time, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. _Changing me._

Edward turned on him, releasing his most terrifying snarl yet. "THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION."

Those four words easily broke my heart. He was more willing to let me die than be with him forever. I felt as if something had quietly broken in me, but I refused to let the tears well in my eyes.

I spoke again, emotionless and dead. "You are taking me back to the house. I will pack my stuff and leave. We run and James will follow. He'll leave Charlie alone and come after me."

Everyone in the car looked at me surprised.

"That could work, Edward. It's the safest and smartest thing we could do in this situation without leaving her unprotected. Surely you can see that.", Alice said appraising me.

I could see Edward reluctantly accepting this logic.

"Did I stutter Edward? Hurry up.", I said, almost sounding bored. I just didn't have the energy to deal with him now. I had a mess to clean up, and I needed to do it now.

Edward started the car again turning around towards Forks again.

"Emmett", I stated, shaking my hands to get his grip off of me. He quickly apologized before assessing me once more. Edward looked at him for a second before sparing a glance at me and then to Jasper.

I could feel the calm around me, but I just couldn't accept the feeling right now. I felt too dead inside.

"B-Be-Bella", he exclaimed chokingly, "you're refusing the calm."

"I just don't want it right now, Jasper. Thanks though," I added, still trying not to hurt anyone's feelings.

"How are you doing that?" he asked, more perplexed by the minute. I just stayed silent.

By the time we reached my house, it was completely dark except for the house lights. Charlie was waiting up for me.

Everyone took their positions outside, and Edward took me out of the car. I had a hard time looking at him.

"Remember Bella, fifteen minutes. Give Charlie whatever excuse you have to.", he warned. I simply nodded. It was then I noticed Edward's body was shaking, despite the fact that he could not feel the cold. He was just as worried too.

"Be calm Edward. You'll be okay. You are after all, my backwards Iron Man.", I smiled softly at his worn out but confused expression.

"What?", he choked out.

"I'm a comic book nerd Edward. Tony Stark's full name happens to be Anthony Edward Stark. I told you, you really are like a superhero." I gently held his face in my hands, and a shadow of one of his dark smiles appeared for half a second.

"Come back to me Bella. We have to hurry." His voice was a mix of nerves, urgency, and worry.

It was then that my plan formed clear in my mind. I'd pack my stuff, get the hell out of Forks without Edward. I'll figure out everything else on my own, but for his safety, I need to get away from him. The tears in my hear were ripping again.

"I'll hurry", I said. I slammed open the door.

_**Welcome to the Jungle. It's going to bring you down.**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Oh man, things are getting crazy now. Yeah I know Bella goes back from one emotion to another, but you have to understand. She's a teenager girl who doesn't know whether the man she is obsessively in love with, loves her back. With everything else that's happening you, everything gets blown out of proportion, but it's all necessary to the story. **

**Props to you, if you already knew what Tony Stark's full name was. I wonder if Stephenie Meyer did that on purpose or not…**

**I know it's a little early to say, but I've already got a good plot idea for the sequel to this. And there are a lot of hints about it in this and the last chapter. And the chapters to come (;  
Reviews will make the come a lot faster, please & thanks!**


	20. Overview AN

**Hey guys!!3**

**I'm sure you're a little confused why I should have 21 chapters when I have 19.  
Well I deleted the Author's Notes, since they weren't necessarily important and I was sorry for ruining the flow of the story.  
After a couple days, I'll delete this author's note too! I hope you enjoy the story!**

**Happy New Years!**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW **

**-ERA**


	21. Welcome To The Jungle REPOSTED

**I've been so terrible with updates, so this chapter is going to be much longer  
On a better note, I've updated all my old chapters so they are error-free (hooray!)  
This chap is full with angst/fluff/humor/more angst (;  
So here we go!  
Review Review Review!**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Welcome to The Jungle  
(BPOV)**

I was still deep in thought as we were close the clearing in the field. It was really hard to believe that someone so perfect as Edward could want someone like me.

Against my will, the flashbacks with Astaire came back. The time we snuck into the Phoenix observatory after hours. The time we went to a karaoke bar for my birthday. Those were all times I thought we were madly in love, but he wasn't. And he was _human_. How could I possibly stand a chance with someone who's even more perfect?

_That's because you __**don't**__ stand a chance._ Great, the voice is back. _Well that's because you don't listen. Your problem is that you go after guys that are out of your league, and then see what happens. Don't blame them; it's __**your **__fault._

And this time I didn't have the strength to argue. No matter if I change my nickname, or wear different clothes, or try putting myself out there, it's not really going to change who I am.

"Oomph", I whimpered when I felt Edward come to abrupt halt. I guess we reached the clearing. Edward loosened his grip on me, and I stumbled and fell to the ground. The red spread on my cheeks and I quietly groaned.

I heard a muffled laughter from above me when I looked up to see Edward's face. The sound of his laughter made me smile and the burden lifted. For a second It unfortunately came back when I realized he was laughing _at _me. I was always going to be a clumsy human in his eyes.

I quietly got up and blinked back tears, trying to walk past Edward to the clearing. No such luck.

"Hey", he said concernedly as he grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at him. "What's wrong?"

I held back my voice from saying everything but then I looked to his eyes. I couldn't read what they held and that scared me most of all.

"You let me fall", I choked simply, I wasn't sure what I was talking about anymore. Before he could start apologizing for whatever I said, I interrupted him.

"Sorry Edward, I was just in a bad mood. Come on, let's go to your family," I said softly, giving him a light kiss and a small smile that barely reached my eyes. He took my hand and pressed his lips to my knuckles, a gesture I so desperately wanted to call loving. I just didn't know anymore.

The whole family was standing together wearing a matching pinstriped "Cullen" baseball tee. I looked back at Edward and noticed he was wearing the same. Then I noticed Alice was holding an extra one, waving it in front of my face. I felt a genuine grin growing on my face, and I knew I could be a little happier for the kindness the entire family was bestowing on me.

Since it was Emmett's turn to sit out for the game to make the teams even, he sat by me while we watched. I was grateful for this because only someone goofy life Emmett would help me get over myself and enjoy the day out.

Before the game started, Emmett tapped me on the shoulder. Well I wouldn't call it a tap but since it was Emmett, I wasn't surprised it was more like a punch. "Hey Bella, hold on for a second, Edward brought something for you." I groaned. I was feeling more and more like a charity case by the second.

Within less time than it took for me to open my mouth, Emmett reappeared with a brand new acoustic guitar. _Wow._ "What is this?", I asked I awe, my fingers itching to stroke the neck.

"Edward didn't want you to get bored in case you didn't like watching baseball, so he brought this thing along." Even the voice in my head had nothing to say about this. This was a genuine loving gesture, considering I never mentioned anything about my guitar. I felt my eyes tingle at the edges and I looked up to see Edward staring at me, nervously eager to see my reaction. I gave him a genuine smile and mouthed, "I love you" to him. His eyes were filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration, and at that moment I felt nothing but total security.

"So any requests?" I grinned at Emmett, watching his face light up like a kid getting a Christmas present he had been begging for.

"Can you play any Guns N' Roses?", Emmett asked, looking more and more hopeful.

I just gave him a big grin and started playing an intro to my favorite GNR song that I knew by heart.

"Yes! I love Welcome to the Jungle!", he whooped, earning a loud laughter from me.

We were both standing up by this point, shaking our bodies to the beat, Emmett's jumping causing vibrations in the ground.

"_**Welcome to the jungle, we got fun 'n' games  
We got everything you want, honey we know the names  
We are the people that can find, whatever you may need  
If you got the money honey, we got your disease"**_

We were both shouting on top our lungs. At the start of the solo, I went on my knees and started shredding my acoustic, watching Emmett imitate me with his air guitar. By the time we were both done, we heard faint clapping, and looked behind to see the family watching us amusedly enough to pause the game, except for Rosalie who looked ready to strangle Emmett.

Edward ran up to me, a big grin instilled in his face. "I didn't know I had the new Axl Rose in my presence", he whispered in my ear, and I playfully swatted him on the arm.

"Please!", Emmett huffed. "Obviously _**I'm**_ Axl Rose and she's Slash. God Edward, if you're going to act like you know everything about music, at least know all the members of one of the best 80's bands around!"

Everyone just stared blankly at Emmett before bursting out laughing. My heart felt light again when Edward grabbed my hand again. I would take advantage of this feeling for as long as I could.

Stepping on the tip of my toes, I reached to Edward's ear and whispered into his ear, "Thank you for loving me". He looked deep in my eyes, but I couldn't find myself able to shy away. "Thank **you**". I captured his lips into a kiss, trying to stay within his boundaries, but finding it terribly hard.

A loud cough broke us apart. It was Alice who looked on amusedly, with her hands on her hips.

"Come on lovebirds. We have a game to finish!", she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air dramatically.

Edward lightly rolled his eyes and put his arm around me. "My turn to sit out", he said, smiling towards me. My heart sped a hundred fold. On our way to the sidelines, I began singing a little to myself.

"_**And when you're high you never ever want to come down, so down…"**_

I just didn't know how soon the down was coming.

* * *

The score was tie. Carlisle's team, consisting of Rosalie and Alice, was leading 2-1 to Esme's team. The last play was being made, and Edward and I were holding each other, too wrapped up in our own private bubble to pay attention to the game. We had heard the striking of the baseball against the bat and then a gasp from Alice.

Edward immediately dropped his hold on me and looked at Alice in horror. Jasper was the first to rush to Alice's side, asking her what was wrong.

Alice began to shake and looked towards Edward, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea they were coming."

"Can we get her back in time?", Edward asked tersely, but I was too afraid to tell him to tone it down.

"No, they're coming in less than a couple minutes. They heard us and want to play.", she whimpered, and Jasper spread a strong wave of calm towards the whole area.

Carlisle, taking over his authoritive role in the family, was the first to speak. "What is happening?"

"Three nomads are coming this way now.", Alice said, her voice becoming stronger. My heart stopped. _Nomads?_ _As in…?_

"Vampires that drink human blood", I whispered to myself. Everyone turned their face to me.

Edward was again all over me. He took my hair down, rubbed his hands allover my sides. "I'm so so sorry. I can't believe I was so stupid," he muttered, upset in a way I had never heard before.

He became quickly silent however, and focused his stare on the far right corner of the field. A few seconds later, a dark rumbling sound made itself known. It was then that they appeared.

Three… well I wasn't really sure what to call them. People seemed to tame a word. They were creatures. Animalistic movement, fierce expressions, _beautiful in a dangerous way._ I was entranced by the bunch, two men on the sides, and a woman in the center. The man on the right had long thick dreadlocks and rich chocolate skin, a deep contrast to the man on the left with painfully pale skin and long icy blond hair. The woman in the middle was easily the fiercest, with her wild red hair and sharp flashy teeth on display. All three were barefoot and clothed in ripped attire. They all had crimson eyes.

The Cullen family all moved in front and around me, a shield of sorts. _Like that would work_, I thought bitterly. I kept my face down, afraid to make eye contact and have my identity be revealed.

A shuffling of feet occurred and an easy deep voice spoke, "Hello there, I'm Laurent, and these are Victoria and James. It is very nice to finally run into company. Do you have room for a few more players in your game?", the voice continued, and a spark of hope rushed through me.

Carlisle turned to speak. "Nice to meet you, I'm Carlisle and this is my family. Well actually we had just finished, but we would love to some other time. Why don't you come back to our home with us so you can be more comfortable."

"Home. We haven't heard that word in a long time. We would love to since we haven't gotten the chance to clean up in so long," gushed the same voice, appreciation sincere in his voice.

"Splendid. My wife Esme and I will show you where to run with us. The others can take the car", Carlisle mentioned casually, and Edward latched onto my hand.

Esme and Carlisle were just about to leave with the nomads when a breeze had caught, obviously sending my scent through the air. Looking up at last, Edward had stiffened considerably and had thrown me behind him. It was then that the pale skinned creature crouched down, his burgundy eyes staring at my throat.

Edward released a feral snarl, something I had never heard before, and Alice had moved me a few more feet back.

The dark skinned one and Victoria looked on in surprise, looking questioningly at Carlisle, who maintained his authoritive pose.

"She is with us", he said simply, and while Laurent contained his expression, Victoria's face looked quite incensed, her feline movements becoming more purposeful, and a loud hiss escaping her mouth.

Laurent spoke again, this time his voice not sounding as light. "Very curious indeed. We assure you no harm will come to the girl. Let's go back to the house." I stood completely frozen in place, shaking to the bone. _Note to self: if this ever happens again, learn to be more badass and bold about it_.

Edward had taken me out of my reverie by tugging sharply on my arm and then sprinted me to the Jeep. He threw me into the backseat, Emmett getting in next to me. Rosalie and Jasper sat on the rails and Alice in the front seat. Edward took the wheel and slammed the accelerator.

Emmett strapped me into the harness which felt more like a straightjacket and the entire car became silent.

I was shaking, not fully out of fear, but a lot out of anger. No one was telling me what was happening.

I tried to remain calm, Edward would tell me. "Edward, where are we going?", I asked as politely as my voice could maintain. Silence.

And then I lost it. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Where. The. Fuck. Are. We Going. TELL ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL CLAW MY WAY OUT OF THIS FUCKING DEATHTRAP", my voice had gone from deadly low to the high pitch of a banshee. I hadn't cursed since I arrived here in Forks. I could see from the car mirror my eyes were that of a psychopath but I did not care.

I started thrashing violently, trying anything in my power to get out of my seat. Edward's eyes flashed dangerously at Emmett's and suddenly his vice-like grip had surrounded me.

Alice, always the level headed one of the group, spoke out. "Edward, let's get our plan straight. Pull over"

When he remained unresponsive, she repeated with more of an edge. "Edward."

This finally got a rise out of him. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. HE'S A TRACKER. HE'S A TRACKER, AND HE'S AFTER HER."

Everyone in the car became painfully silent, and I wondered what a tracker was in order to get everyone this tense.

Alice began trying to coax him. "Let's just look at our options here, please?"

The car had finally slowed down until it became a complete stop. Even with Emmett's grip I fell forward and backwards in the seat.

If there was any moment I'd get to speak it was now. "I'm not leaving Charlie," I said firmly, knowing full well if it was up to Edward, I would already be on a different continent.

Edward ignored me.

"There's always another option", Jasper spoke up this time, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. _Changing me._

Edward turned on him, releasing his most terrifying snarl yet. "THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION."

Those four words easily broke my heart. He was more willing to let me die than be with him forever. I felt as if something had quietly broken in me, but I refused to let the tears well in my eyes.

I spoke again, emotionless and dead. "You are taking me back to the house. I will pack my stuff and leave. We run and James will follow. He'll leave Charlie alone and come after me."

Everyone in the car looked at me surprised.

"That could work, Edward. It's the safest and smartest thing we could do in this situation without leaving her unprotected. Surely you can see that.", Alice said appraising me.

I could see Edward reluctantly accepting this logic.

"Did I stutter Edward? Hurry up.", I said, almost sounding bored. I just didn't have the energy to deal with him now. I had a mess to clean up, and I needed to do it now.

Edward started the car again turning around towards Forks again.

"Emmett", I stated, shaking my hands to get his grip off of me. He quickly apologized before assessing me once more. Edward looked at him for a second before sparing a glance at me and then to Jasper.

I could feel the calm around me, but I just couldn't accept the feeling right now. I felt too dead inside.

"B-Be-Bella", he exclaimed chokingly, "you're refusing the calm."

"I just don't want it right now, Jasper. Thanks though," I added, still trying not to hurt anyone's feelings.

"How are you doing that?" he asked, more perplexed by the minute. I just stayed silent.

By the time we reached my house, it was completely dark except for the house lights. Charlie was waiting up for me.

Everyone took their positions outside, and Edward took me out of the car. I had a hard time looking at him.

"Remember Bella, fifteen minutes. Give Charlie whatever excuse you have to.", he warned. I simply nodded. It was then I noticed Edward's body was shaking, despite the fact that he could not feel the cold. He was just as worried too.

"Be calm Edward. You'll be okay. You are after all, my backwards Iron Man.", I smiled softly at his worn out but confused expression.

"What?", he choked out.

"I'm a comic book nerd Edward. Tony Stark's full name happens to be Anthony Edward Stark. I told you, you really are like a superhero." I gently held his face in my hands, and a shadow of one of his dark smiles appeared for half a second.

"Come back to me Bella. We have to hurry." His voice was a mix of nerves, urgency, and worry.

It was then that my plan formed clear in my mind. I'd pack my stuff, get the hell out of Forks without Edward. I'll figure out everything else on my own, but for his safety, I need to get away from him. The tears in my hear were ripping again.

"I'll hurry", I said. I slammed open the door.

_**Welcome to the Jungle. It's going to bring you down.**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Oh man, things are getting crazy now. Yeah I know Bella goes back from one emotion to another, but you have to understand. She's a teenager girl who doesn't know whether the man she is obsessively in love with, loves her back. With everything else that's happening you, everything gets blown out of proportion, but it's all necessary to the story. **

**Props to you, if you already knew what Tony Stark's full name was. I wonder if Stephenie Meyer did that on purpose or not…**

**I know it's a little early to say, but I've already got a good plot idea for the sequel to this. And there are a lot of hints about it in this and the last chapter. And the chapters to come (;  
Reviews will make the come a lot faster, please & thanks!**


	22. Breaking the Girl: AN & news

**A/N:**

Hey Readers, I have wanted to apologize in the most humble of ways, but for the longest time I could not figure out how to. My life has changed so drastically in the past year and a half, it took me a very long time to find the energy to do anything, let alone write. Someone very near and dear to me passed away, and she had been one of my reasons that I had enjoyed reading and writing in the first place.

After giving myself time to appreciate the time I had with her, I now feel like I can start writing up again, but to be honest I'm not sure when I can continue this story, at least with the energy I had when I started it.

Because of that, I have taken up to a new story, a new edge, but with all and more the wit you could expect. Imagine YGIKM's Bad Bella with more sex, badassery, & less emotions. The story will be up soon, so be sure to look out for it.

If you have any questions/concerns/idea pitches go ahead and PM/Review me & I will get back to you

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for understanding,

ERA


	23. Untitled, the preview

Well hello readers,  
I wanted you guys to get the first peek at my new story, which is currently untitled. If you would like to suggest a name, I'm very much open to it (:Anyways, without a further a do, please review & tell me what you think so far.

Reviews make all the difference in the world after all.

* * *

I waited for life to flash before my eyes; To see the faces of my father, my mother, maybe even that fucking vampires who I would now never get the chance to..._ No, not going on that road, Bella. _But all that came was something I had learned years ago in an old history book I was reading.

During the Pacific campaign of World War II, Japanese fighter pilots would intentionally fly planes filled with explosives and bombs into Allied naval warships to aid the cause of their country. The idea was that the damage caused to the Allied forces was greater than the sacrifice of pilot and aircraft. They called it _kamikaze_, the divine wind. In grade school we learned it was because Japanese tradition called for "death before dishonor". Because they'd rather die than be thought of as a coward.

The modern perception of these ideals makes us think, "What the fuck were they thinking? Why the hell would they deliberately put themselves in a situation where the only option was suicide?"

But here, in this icy room filled with mirrors and kerosene, and when the only face I see before me is death, I only have two words to say.

"Banzai, motherfucker!"


End file.
